MCU Rewatch: Phase One, Part 1
Posted: July 9, 2019 Filed under: Another Day In Court, Brian A. Costello, Opinion, Man. | Tags: abomination, avengers, don cheadle, edward norton, emil blonsky, endgame, general ross, gwyneth paltrow, Hulk, Iron Man, iron man 2, james rhodes, Jeff Bridges, jon favreau, justin hammer, liv tyler, louis leterrier, marvel, MCU, mickey rourke, movies, obadiah stane, peter billingsley, robert downey jr., s.h.i.e.l.d., sam rockwell, stan lee, tim roth, vanko, war machine, william hurt 1 Comment
Oh, hey there. I’m rewatching the MCU movies. Again. Gonna throw some stuff up here as I go. No real structure involved, certainly not any attempts at traditional reviews… I mean, does the world need another real review of Iron Man eleven years after it first repulsor-beamed everyone’s faces off? No. Just some thoughts and impressions. We’ve all seen these movies.
I am fully up to date with the releases, having seen Spider-Man: Come From Away Far From Home last week, so yeah- there might be some discussion of the latter flicks here and there, but I’mma try to keep it self-contained to each of the movies. As best I can. No promises.
IRON MAN
“Heavy boots of lead/Somethingsomethingsomething that rhymes with ‘lead.'”
-John “Ozzy” Osbourne
Still great after all these years. Marvel took a chance on a superhero story not about a down-on-his-luck good guy who finally gets the chance to shine, but on an entitled jerkwad who is forced to take a long, hard look in the mirror and reap all the chaos his drunken ignorance has helped to sow. Watching this again after Avengers: Endgame was a complete delight in that it was somehow even more thrilling, intriguing, and inspirational than the first time. Bravo, Marvel- you totally win.
And the funny thing is that the action sequences aren’t even the most exciting parts of the film. Instead it’s the scenes of Tony Stark sitting around inventing things in his garage that keep me glued to the screen. This is, of course, in no small part due to the perfect casting of Robert Downey Jr. in the role (maybe even forcing a meta-narrative that mirrors the actor’s own life and career). RDJ kills it in every scene. And the supporting cast is pitch-perfect in their chemistry with him (I’m especially looking at you, Gwyneth, you talented kook).
Speaking of the supporting cast, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge how good Jeff Bridges is as Obadiah Stane. Even having seen this movie so many times (so many) I find myself understanding his frustration when Tony makes it home and decides to make the fundamental “no more weapons” change in company policy. After all, Stane has a business to run, employees to pay, and the press to deal with. And he does so with such an unflappable, calm confidence that I want to keep rooting for the guy. But then, of course, we get the reveal of his true intentions in the scene where Stane visits the leader of the Ten Rings, still holding on to that cool countenance as he paralyzes him and orders his men to be murdered. Seriously, get this villain a Bond movie, stat! There’s a scene later on, though, that contains my favorite JB moment here. It’s a quick bit where he berates his head scientist* for failing to build a version of Tony’s mini arc reactor. Stane becomes quite the physically imposing figure as he literally corners the smaller, meek man with an accusatory finger and a raised voice that effectively shows the first cracks in his consistently collected demeanor. It’s startling and more than a little bit menacing. A very “whoa, what’s wrong with dad?”-type moment. Very un-Dude.
Unfortunately for Bridges, the movie has gotten a little long in the tooth, runtime-wise, at this point, so shit gets wrapped up REALLY quickly after this bit with lots of punches, explosions, and Stane devolving into a madman who spouts angry lines like a Bad Guy with a capital BG. It’s not a horrible action finale, in fact it’s quite good at showing Stark’s “brains-over-brawn, protect the innocent” approach to winning this thing, but it is definitely a left turn after Iron Man’s carefully curated first and second acts.
But, hey, considering it was 2008 and this Uncertain Grand Experiment by Marvel was just crawling out of the primordial cinematic ooze, I’d say they pretty much knocked it out of the park.
Jesus Christ, Costello. Make Mine Mixed Metaphors.
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THE INCREDIBLE HULK
“There’s a place in the world for the angry young man…”
-William Martin Joel
I love how stripped down this movie is. Quick, and to the point. Thank god most of those improvved Ed Norton/Liv Tyler scenes (they’re collected on the Blu) were cut before its release. The last thing we need is more forced, awkward ennui in a movie about a meek nerd who turns into a giant green monster every time he stubs his toe, or whatever.
Leterrier’s use of color theory here is particularly great. Red, the opposite of green, seems to be a protective color. There’s quite a bit of it on display in the Brazil sequences, most notably in Banner’s hoodie. When he runs from Ross and his commandos he’s wearing it, which I think, subconsciously, we’re supposed to take as his way of containing the monster within. But he eventually makes his way into the factory which, from the bottles of soda to the lockers to the walls, is just too green for comfort. And when he’s caught it’s a guy wearing stark yellow and another wearing rich blue that hold him down as his “bully” punches him past the point of no return. Because yellow and blue… well, you get it. By the end of the second act Bruce is seen in more blue hues, as if he’s moving closer to accepting what he is. Then, at the end, in the final shot of Banner, when he has come to terms with his situation and seeks to control rather than repress the monster within- green shirt, green pants.
I dunno. Maybe that’s all a bit of a stretch on my part. But I notice the colors every time.
Also, I still maintain that the aforementioned Brazil action sequence, culminating in the first appearance of the Hulk, is the best of the entire MCU run. Yes, there have been bigger, more choreographed moments since then with multiple heroes, waves of villains, massive setpieces, etc… but there is a real confluence of cinematic technique on display here, from cinematography to editing to acting, to location, to screenwriting, mostly without the use of CG (beyond the title character, of course) that is so satisfying to watch. It’s been built up so well throughout the previous scenes (that heart-rate monitoring wristband MacGuffin is a complete stroke of genius) that from the moment Banner senses Ross and his men have arrived to the moment he’s forced to Hulk out we get a real white-knuckler of an exponentially fast-paced, from-bad-to-worse thrill ride of a chase sequence that is easy to follow, yet complex enough to not feel predictable. And, of course, the cherry on top is the ensuing Batman-esque first “appearance” of the Hulk, stalking the stalkers from the shadows and taking them all out as if they were just toys.
You know, I’ll be sure and pay attention to this moving forward, but, for now, I’ll just go ahead and call the first 30 minutes of The Incredible Hulk the most satisfying first act in all of the MCU.
The rest of the movie? It’s… fine. Sort of boilerplate, narrative-wise. Guy goes back to girl, because true love, seeks help from a questionable source, because science, is forced into violence again, because military. The Blonsky/Ross stuff is really good, thanks mostly to it being a Roth/Hurt joint. One moment always stands out- Blonsky’s first foray into being a super-soldier guinea pig. The sound design and his face-acting culminate in a squirmer of a moment when a giant needle that we (and he) don’t see enters his spine… and then cracks through something else… and UGH my fingers are literally curling up just thinking about it.
The final fight sequence in Harlem is a jumbled mess of punching, explosions, and car crashes. Much like Iron Man’s final fight. I feel like it’s a general issue with these early movies- great pacing and character development over the first 90 minutes (give or take), then lots of BAM! POW! SMASH! It probably happens beyond Phase One, too. I’ll keep an eye out.
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IRON MAN 2
“It takes a lot to make a stew/Especially when it’s me and you/And him and Steve from corporate, too/Too many cooks, it’s true.”
-Casper Kelly
This movie is maybe the most unfairly maligned of the entire series. Is it a bottom-tier MCU flick? Sure. But bad? No way, José.
The biggest problem is there’s just so much happening here. Too much. Taken separately, all of it’s pretty great- the government trying to get its hands on the Iron Man tech, Tony relapsing into his old, a-hole self in the wake of his new health issues, Tony trying to figure out the tech solution for said issues, Pepper Potts transitioning to CEO, Rhodey trying to balance his personal and military life as Tony’s best friend, Justin Hammer as the bumbling anti-Tony, Ivan Vanko as a sort of “sins of the father” threat. And I think Favreau did a pretty good job of weaving all of these threads into a cohesive tapestry… but then came the S.H.I.E.L.D. that broke the camel’s back- namely the Black Widow/Nick Fury thing. Of all the plot threads going on here, the S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff is, by a wide margin, the most superfluous. It adds nothing to the story at hand, existing solely to set up a future hero team-up. But it’s a Catch-22- weaving that stuff into IM2 complicates an already complicated narrative, but to leave it out might have made the meta narrative of the MCU in its ramp-up to The Avengers suffer. I don’t know at what point S.H.I.E.L.D was threaded into the story, but it at least feels like a late-stage screenplay addition. It’s an issue that the MCU seems to have mostly smoothed out in the ensuing movies, thankfully (although it pops up again, in varying degrees. Both Thor and Age Of Ultron come to mind), and as far as its presence here is concerned, I’ll just chalk it up to Marvel Studios fumbling the kickoff return, but still recovering the ball.
Just watch it again, and when you’re done- imagine Iron Man 2 without a major S.H.I.E.L.D. presence. Some pretty basic script doctoring could close the minor holes created by removing Romanoff and Fury. And less scenes with them would at least make Vanko’s presence feel more important.
Speaking of Vanko, Mickey Rourke deserves more love for this portrayal. Yeah, he’s mostly sidelined due to the aforementioned multi-narrative issues, but when we do get him on screen it’s great. Wait, does he die at the end, or is he just knocked out? Honestly, I can’t remember. Even though I just watched it yesterday. Must have been that whole WHACK! SMASH! POW! final action sequence thing again. I’m still holding out hope that we’ll see the return of some characters from the days of yesterMarvel**, like Vanko, Blonsky/Abomination (Ablonskination?), Samuel Sterns, Ten Rings guy… and maybe Justin Hammer? He’d be the least likely, I guess, but man, that scene when he first meets Vanko, and he’s trying so hard to be as cool as Stark by having ice cream flown in from San Fran and caking on the self-tanning cream so thick that his fingers are all browned and gross is really hilarious. Sam Rockwell is a genius.
Anyway, I digress. Lots to love here, so if you’re in the “Iron Man 2 is bad” camp, give it another go. Just don’t expect Shakespeare. That’s Thor’s job…
Anyway, I’ll be back. Gimme a couple of weeks.
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*And now, in the wake of Spider-Man: Far From Home, I guess I wasn’t the only one who loved this scene. Also, that scientist was Peter Billingsley?!? How the frak did I not know that for 11 years?
**…and does the return of Billingsley in Far From Home bolster this hope of mine? I mean, that’s a two-scene character brought back in a relatively major way.
2018 Movie Midterms, Pt. 2
Posted: July 12, 2018 Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: A Star Wars Story, Alden Ehrenreich, Ant-Man, avengers, Broken Lizard, chris pratt, Deadpool 2, Dopinder, Fallen Kingdom, Infinity War, J. A. Bayona, Josh Brolin, Jurassic World, marvel, MCU, Michael Giacchino, Paul Rudd, Rampage, Ryan Reynolds, Solo, Super Troopers 2, Thanos, The Rock, The Wasp 1 CommentMore Movies! More Marvel! More Monkeyshines!
(HERE for PART 1)
Rampage: A two hour movie about that video game you sort of remember playing a few times in the late 80s starring that cuddly mound of man meat Dwayne Johnson, the new Ms. Moneypenny, and The Comedian as Neegan as an FBI guy who everyone, himself included, keeps referring to as a “cowboy” for some reason. A giant albino gorilla, a gianter flying wolf, and a giantest spiked alligator go nuts and destroy Chicago. But the giant ape turns good again and saves the day. Then he gives The Rock the finger. And there are lots of helicopters. And Joe Manganiello as “growling guy.” And a cameo appearance by the eponymous video game, not quite so surreptitiously placed behind Malin Akerman and her annoying brother and their pet rat. It’s soooo dummmb.
I dug it.
Super Troopers 2: Here’s the thing- I never saw the first Super Troopers. But I dove in anyway, and I’m glad I did because this movie is all the right kinds of STOOOOOOPID. Seriously, I had a blast. Check that brain at the door and just laugh at these five idiots being idiots for 90 minutes.
Avengers: Infinity War: Spoiler Alert: your favorite new Marvel superhero probably dies in this movie. But don’t fret- all the unoriginal buzzkill critic jerknozzles will fall all over themselves to reassure you that your hero will be back because the actor portraying him or her has a three movie deal! No, no, please, people who get paid too much money to write about movies, why don’t you all gloss over the artistically uncomfortable, totally earned, emotional final moments of this film so you can push your glasses up higher on the bridge of your nose and, in your best Steve Urkel voice, declare, “the impact of the finale is lessened by the knowledge that there are sequels coming out starring these people,” like the world’s most obvious fucking know-it-all party pooper. Seriously, you’re SO SMART, pumpkin. You’re Mommy’s favorite little smarty-smart.
Anyway, this movie is a nonstop thrill ride with a poignant downbeat ending, and it’s really great.
And Peter Dinklage plays a giant dwarf, sooooo… totally worth it.
Deadpool 2: the best thing about DP2? They didn’t try to one-up Deadpool. They just made another movie. Sure, there are more characters, subplots, and action sequences, but they never feel like the filmmakers trying to top themselves. This ain’t no The Matrix: Reloaded (need to say it- I absolutely love the Matrix sequels in all their over-the-top glory. This was just an example, because you know what I mean when I say, “this ain’t no The Matrix: Reloaded” in the context of a movie trying to one-up its predecessor. Right? Good. Now where was I?)- it’s a movie that is comfortable with its grounded approach to maintaining the world built in the first flick. Because it’s all about the funny, and if you start to get all flashy with whizbang SFX and big, multi-character battles against hordes of evil, you might lose the funny in an effectively personal story like this. AND, as it turns out, keeping it small(-ish) actually helps to punctuate the emotional, heartfelt stuff as well.
Also, I could listen to that Dopinder guy scream like a girl ALL DAY.
Solo: A Star Wars Story: “…a total blast that felt more like OG Star Wars than literally ANYTHING that has come out since Endor hosted The Great Teddy Bear Rave of ’83.”
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Dinosaur Movies Again: I mean, does it make me a bad person if I actually liked this movie? Because I actually liked this movie. Quite a bit. Yeah, the first 15 minutes or so were chock full of bad dialogue, embarrassingly obvious foreshadowing, and plot points that got holes shot in them right away… but later I kind of forgot the specifics about those things because I was too busy BEING ENTERTAINED. So sue me.
Look, it’s the fifth movie in a franchise that should have ended after the first. An unnecessary sequel to a soft reboot that nobody asked for. I mean, how many goddamn times can you make a movie about the failure to keep cloned dinosaurs locked up without treading over the same cinematic ground? It’s clear that they know this. So they went ahead and changed things up a bit by smartening up the action and dumbing down the stakes. And what we got was an honest-to-god, old-school, exciting summer blockbuster action extravaganza that actually felt more Spielberg-y than original sequel The Lost World ever did.
So, thanks, J. A. Bayona, Chris Pratt, Michael Giacchino, et al., for reaching down deep, finding and defibrillating high school me, and getting him excited about big, loud movies again for a couple of hours. Life, uhhh… found a way, and stuff.
And yes- I did just use “et al.” incorrectly, thank you very much.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: well, that was a nice palate-cleanser. The stakes are low, the action is (ahem) small, and the story is completely self-contained, in the grand Marvel scheme of things. After Infinity War’s super-seriousness, I welcome all that. The only issue is that I couldn’t help but keep the aforementioned Avengers flick on deck in my brain, simply because it has such all-encompassing ramifications to these MCU movies, and I was constantly considering where AM&TW fits into it all. But the mid-credits stinger dealt with it, so… all good.
Paul Rudd, while maybe not a Shakespeare-level actor, is an unendingly likable guy, and everyone else on-screen really responds to that. And that camaraderie really helps to sell the multiple themes of family that Peyton Reed peppers throughout this thing. The scenes with Scott Lang and his daughter are particularly sweet, which is a nice change of pace for Marvel; after the heavily dysfunctional familial overtones of GOTG2, Infinity War, all the Thor flicks, etc., it’s refreshing to have a simple, relatively uncomplicated family thing to keep a movie grounded in feel-goodland while the title characters are off shrinking, growing, heisting, punching, kicking, and science-ing.*
I don’t really see a compelling reason for them to make a third Ant-Man movie, though. This is the second time they’ve followed up a big, all-encompassing, multi-hero, Marvel Universe-changing flick with a safe little Ant sorbet, which probably means there’s not much more you can do with this guy. Really, they should just have these characters cameo in other people’s movies- Wasp should definitely show up in Black Widow’s solo joint, if that ever happens, and if a non-Evans Cap happens, Ant-Man should definitely be a part of it. And Hank Pym is already basically nu-Selvig, so let him be part of whatever SHIELD-like Avengers home base thing they’ve got going on. This way we can avoid more action scenes revolving around what new child’s toy they can accidentally make life-sized.
I mean, sure, the giant kids’ toy thing was fun. Twice. A third time, though?
So, that’s where I’m at. I got a little behind and missed a few relatively recent releases that I meant to see (Hotel Artemis, Hereditary, Incredibles 2, Tag, The First Purge), but I’ll get to them eventually and check back in with y’all. And by “y’all” I mean all five of you.
Say goodbye, George…
*Did I use that semicolon correctly? I tend to unapologetically bend the English language to my own will, but every once in a while I’m curious about proper syntax.
My 2017 In Movies, Part 2
Posted: December 22, 2017 Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: Alien: Covenant, Baby Driver, Cars 3, Charlie Hunnam, chris pine, Dark Universe, DC, Dead Men Tell No Tales, Edgar Wright, Gal Godot, Geoffrey Rush, Homecoming, Iron Man, Javier Bardem, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, King Arthur, Legend Of The Sword, marvel, Michael Fassbender, movies, peter parker, Pirates Of The Caribbean, pixar, Ridley Scott, russell crowe, Sofia Boutella, spider-man, The Mummy, the vulture, tom cruise, tony stark, Wonder Woman 3 CommentsThere was a Part 1. It is here.
I saw some more movies.
King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword: Why is it that people feel the need to re-imagine these old fable-ish legends with an “interesting twist”? Robin Hood and King Arthur never seem to just get an actual movie that adheres to the basic stories we “know” (Excalibur notwithstanding). This is not to say they’re bad movies, just… I’m spending so much time thinking about the “clever” ways they’ve made them “original” that I’m too distracted to fully care about what I’m actually seeing. I dunno. Weird complaint, I guess.
Anyway, ultimately, despite all that, Legend Of The Sword is pretty good. Charlie Hunnam is still a marble-mouthed mound of man-meat, but he gets the job done. There are some pretty good fight sequences… uh… some kind of fight on a pier between Artie’s dad and… OH! right- Jude Law was in this thing, and he’s solid. Some kind of Moses-like backstory for Arthur… or am I thinking that because he floats away on a river as a baby? Whatever. Anyway, he grows up and joins some freedom fighters, I think? Oh, I dunno. Stuff happens. Really, it’s been months since I watched it and not a hell of a lot stuck in my memory beyond the fact that I (surprisingly) enjoyed it. So, take this non-review and do with it what you will.
Alien: Covenant: Prometheus sucked, OK? Sucked petting zoo phallic baby alien-snake balls. BUT it tried to do something. Alien: Covenant doesn’t even do that. It just re-tells the original Alien on some planet somewhere with some serious self-conscious allusions to Prometheus, but fails to move the story forward… which itself is OK, I guess, because… and I know this is something Ridley Scott simply doesn’t understand… this is a story that no one needs clarification on. There are weird alien eggs that produce creepy alien spiders that lay gross alien embryos in your throat and after a few hours they burst out and kill everyone in the room. DONE. Keeping the “backstory” of the creature a mystery is what made Alien so very, very creepy. Aliens added to the mythology by throwing in another step to the life cycle with the reveal of the queen, but still didn’t attempt to Darwin the thing with the origin of the species. Because defining the boogeyman reduces the effect the Boogeyman has on you. For examples of this, see: The Star Wars prequels, Rob Zombie’s Halloween, Wicked…
OK, that last one was a joke. Sort of.
This was supposed to be about Alien: Covenant, though. I guess the only thing left to say about it is that if Michael Fassbender can’t save your shitty movie, your shitty movie ain’t worth saving.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales: Full disclosure- I’m an unabashed lover of the Pirates movies. This is partly due to personal Disney World nostalgia dating back to my early childhood, and partly because I truly believe they took an admittedly awkward concept (we’ve made rides out of movies, and that worked, so let’s try the opposite!) and created something quite fun and original. And I have gladly defended the existence of these movies, as well as their quality.
Until now.
I need to be clear on something here- POTC: DMTNT (ugh) is not necessarily a bad movie. It’s definitely got some things going for it (the two most prominent being Geoffrey Rush and Javier Bardem, two guys who are clearly incapable of phoning it in), but the good is definitely outweighed by the… bland. It’s hard to pin down specifics, though. A lot of the fault falls on the two new faces. The young lovers. The generic pretties, cast solely because they look good in period garb. Almost complete wastes of space. I mean, hell- if Legolas and Knightley could bring some character into those first three movies, these two have no excuse. Also lacking? The plot. I’d get more specific here, but even though it’s been just under two months since I saw it, I literally can’t remember what it’s about. Because, bland. Something about that magic compass McGuffin that’s been around since Movie 1, I think. And some secret cove where Javier Bardem gets ghostified. Also also lacking? The action. Again, I really don’t remember specifics here, but I do very specifically remember thinking while the action sequences were unfolding that they were completely generic. What happened to the days of three guys swordfighting on and in a giant, rolling water-wheel? Where are the two swashbucklers trying to keep their footing in the rafters above a blacksmith’s forge? Hell, even the fourth movie had that awesome escape from King George II’s palace and that crazy, bendy treetop sequence in the Spanish camp. As Diamond Dave once said- where have all the good times gone?
Sigh. Whatever.
Also, it should be noted that while I could be mistaken, I think Johnny Depp was in this movie.
Wonder Woman:The First Justice Leaguer: Yeah, this was the shot in the arm the DCverse needed. Something a little less serious, a little more hopeful, and a lot more fun. And yes, maybe they’re Marvel-izing themselves a bit (there sure is a lot of Captain America: The First Avenger going on here), but Man Of Steel, BvS, and Suicide Squad, like them or not (yes, yes, no) have (kind of unfairly) tarnished their image enough that something semi-drastic needed to be done. So… steal from the best, I guess.
And it’s a joy to watch. Gal Godot is wonderful. It’s fun to see her take this basic “fish out of water” plot and turn it completely on its head, forcing Chris Pine (charming!) to bear the brunt of this awkward situation that Wonder Woman simply has no time for. And it’s great to watch WW inspire the people around her with her poise and determination, especially Pine’s secretary, “Etta,” as well as his Howling Comman… uh… his band of fighter… friends (whew! Close one!).
It ain’t perfect though. Yes, the the island of Amazonian women stuff at the start of the movie is completely great (I actually lost my breath at Robin Wright diving off her horse and letting fly three arrows at once in slow motion. That shot alone was worth the price of admission), the scene where WW leads Pine & Co. head-first across the battlefield with that crazy screaming guitar theme playing is pretty damned exciting, and the quiet bits manage to keep the momentum going without impressive action. Buuuut… the not-Red-Skull underboss villain and his not-Arnim-Zola scientist sidekick are pretty underdeveloped, and the actual big bad, while a great presence as a “hiding in plain sight” secret villain throughout the movie, is ultimately reduced to a big, loud, explosion-y, shockwave-punchy, scenery-destroying, final boss-battle guy. This doesn’t kill the movie at all, but it reduces it a little. But hey, it’s a summer superhero action movie, so I guess I shouldn’t expect much more than that.
The Mummy: OK, so I liked The Mummy. I mean, it’s not a movie I’ll champion, defend, or even watch again, but I was entertained enough. Really, it’s a bit of a mess, but I kept waiting for it to embarrass itself and that never happened. It came close, most noticeably with the shoehorned-in Dr. Jekyll thing (in which Russell Crowe briefly steps back into Virtuosity-level bad acting), but Tom Cruise was fine, Sofia Boutella was creepy, the story was acceptable, and the visuals were a lot more dark and gothic than I assumed they would be. Ultimately, though, once again, they’ve made a remake of The Mummy that can’t decide whether it’s a horror flick or an action movie. And while I think that worked (against all odds) for the first two Brendan Fraser Mummy joints, here it just shows a studio afraid to make people afraid. Which is the whole point, right?
I was even looking forward to this whole Dark Universe thing, despite the fact that connected movie universes have, with the exception of Marvel, run their fucking course. But since it has died on the vine, well… I guess The Mummy will just remain a somewhat likable big-budget studio film oddity.
Cars 3: I liked Cars for, among other things, its get over yourself/stop and smell the roses message. I liked Cars 2 for, among other things, its irreverent, out-of-left-field superspy/pseudo-environmentalism wacky mashup story. I know these are unpopular opinions, but fuck it.
I didn’t like Cars 3 because… what was this thing about? I mean, I think it was about getting older and passing the baton and staying relevant by accepting that teaching the next generation is a viable use of your middle-aged time… but it was a little hard to tell while watching it because that message was buried amid the most bland storytelling and lazy visuals to date in a Pixar movie. Yeah, The Good Dinosaur was a way worse flick. But that train wreck of a movie gets some points for trying to do something. This one… well, please forgive the expression, but this one just spins its wheels for 90 minutes. A clear straight-to-video upgrade here.
Baby Driver: Now here’s a movie with cars I can get behind. A fun little crime drama starring two charming young new(ish)comers surrounded by a seasoned cast of supporting roles, wrapped around a supercool, eclectic soundtrack, and directed by Britain’s most exciting filmmaking export. What’s not to love?
…I mean, besides the conflicting emotions while watching Spacey’s scenes, I guess, buuuut we won’t get into that now…
Anyway, yeah, much like Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, this one’s Americanized Edgar Wright… but it’s not too jarring, and probably only noticeable at all to me because of my complete nerd-level love of his Cornetto Trilogy.
So… great movie. See it.
Spider-Man: Homecoming: The two Amazing Spider-Man movies from a few years ago were like fast food. They gave you a quick fix of something familiar, but ultimately they’re nothing but empty calories. And the memories you have of them are like rotting bits of Kentucky McKing Tacoburger Supreme Happy Meals™ stuck between your teeth. With a side of fries.
Spider-Man: Homecoming is the toothpick.
Or, wait- maybe it’s the dental floss. NO- the mental floss!
Sorry. Really, this was all an excuse to string the words “Kentucky McKing Tacoburger Supreme Happy Meals™” together. With a side of fries. Let’s move on.
Spider-Man: Homecoming is what you get when a responsible party takes the reigns and doesn’t try to outdo everyone else with flashy nonsense and mopey teen angst. It’s still about a teenager going through teenage things, but guess what- some teenagers are actually happy. I know, RIGHT? Is Peter Parker confused? Yes. Is he awkwardly stumbling through this new, accidental double-life? Sure. Is he frustrated by his newfound Iron Father Figure’s advice about staying grounded being in direct conflict with his own yearning for bigger things? Ayuh. But still relatively happy. And this is, of course, in direct juxtaposition with the film’s big bad bird, edged into a life of crime by bureaucracy, red tape, and a seriously short temper, reaching too far, too fast, oblivious to the collateral damage he’s causing in his wake. And in the middle of all this- Tony Stark, in full-on “I just got my ass kicked by my friend in another movie and have some personal stuff to work through” mode, mentoring Spidey on doing the right thing, lest he become a super-powered asshole.
So yeah, there are layers to this movie, but it’s never a ruminative slog. It’s a film that pulls of the impossible- it movie-fies a comic book character anew, for the third time in fifteen years, and never feels like a retread or a cash-in.
And it’s just so much FUN.
There will be more…
Fleshy-Headed Mutants From The Forbidden Zone.
Posted: June 5, 2014 Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: Bryan Singer, days of future past, ellen page, hugh jackman, Ian McKellen, james mangold, james mcavoy, Jennifer Lawrence, kitty pryde, magneto, marvel, Michael Fassbender, mutants, mysique, patrick stewart, peter dinklage, professor x, sentinels, superman, wolverine, x-men 1 CommentX-Men: Days Of Future Past: Not really sure what to say about this one. It’s good, I guess. I mean, it was kind of exciting at times… just plain “there” at others… I dunno. It’s an X-Men movie. They’re really all the friggin’ same. And with Bryan Singer back behind the camera it’s never going to be much more then lukewarm, anyway.
The plot? Er… well, the future sucks, so Mutant Juno sends Mutant Jean Valjean’s… um, wait… is it actually the future? I guess it’s really the present, considering Mutant Gandalf and Mutant Captain Picard are still really old alive and kicking. But wait, didn’t Mutant Picard die a few movies ago? Whatever. It must be an “alternate MacGuffin timeline,” or whatever.
Sorry. Where was I?
The future sucks, so Mutant Juno sends Mutant Jean Valjean’s MacGuffin consciousness back to his 1970’s body to change history by stopping Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister from building super robots that will eventually wipe out everybody. So, basically, it’s The Terminator. You see, these super robots are programmed to track and kill mutants, specifically, but I guess eventually that’s not enough, so they start killing non-mutants, too. I think. I mean, we were supposed to glean that from the story, right? I can’t remember if it was actually ever mentioned. But there’s no one around in the scorched-sky barren wasteland that is this movie’s “future” except for a ragtag band of mutants and an army of upgraded, adaptive “sentinels” hell-bent on killing whoever’s left in some underground bunker. So, basically, it’s The Matrix: Revolutions. Meanwhile, in the past, Mutant Guy From Wanted can walk again. Because, Mutant Jack The Giant Slayer made a MacGuffin serum that temporarily fixes his spinal cord AND conveniently suppresses his ability to read and control minds, thus doing away with pesky audience questions like, “well, why can’t he just find out what Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister’s plans are,” or, “why can’t he stop Mutant Katniss Everdeen from going all Jason Bourne on everybody,” or, “why can’t he control Non-Helmeted Mutant Lieutenant Archie Hicox’s murderous magnetic tendencies?”
Um… sorry. Lost my train of thought.
Oh, right, the 1970’s. Well, Mutant Katniss Everdeen is running around doing her own thing- murder, mayhem, figuring out Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister’s ultimate plans by disguising herself as him and gaining access to all his research… which she doesn’t destroy for some reason… and Mutant 24601’s crew set out to break Mutant Hicox out of his plastic-and-glass prison with the help of Mutant Recurring American Horror Story Actor and his super-speed. Which they do. Then Mutant Horror Story leaves them, because he would be way too helpful to the rest of the plot, and that would cut the movie in half. Finally, all the mutants converge on Non-Mutant Dick Nixon’s front lawn for a balls-out battle with the super robots, which somehow run on 1970’s technology that would be considered “futuristic” by even tomorrow’s standards, and everybody walks away with a peaceful, easy feeling and hearts that grew three sizes that day.
Except Hugh Jackman. He gets thrown into a river.
So, um… all that.
But, ultimately, I enjoyed myself. Yeah, it’s reeeeeally easy to pick apart with snark (I wrote that synopsis in a few minutes with no editing), there are many plot-points that exist solely to cram as many familiar faces and/or now-hot actors into the thing as possible (seriously- it’s a movie starring Hugh Jackman and a shitload of extended cameos), and any time the screenplay seems like it’s writing itself into a corner, some kind of over-explained, yet really simplistic MacGuffin is thrown in to save the day (Prof. X’s spine serum, Kitty Pryde’s sudden ability to send someone into the past, plus, you know, every hand-picked-for-this-plot mutant’s power…), but it’s still fun. I mean, as forced, out-of-place, and precious as Quicksilver’s* scenes were, they were the coolest in the flick, and Evan Peters was seriously great. As was James McAvoy- dude took some bad, almost soap-opera level, obvious dialogue and turned it into genuine pathos. And Hugh Jackman will never not be totally fucking cool in that role.
But there’s still the Bryan Singer problem. Things are just too clean and neat with him. His visual style is very Brian DePalma, but without the balls. His action sequences reference Spielberg, but without the fun. He never seems to want to blow our minds. Instead he sort of expects us to meet him halfway, shake hands, and go about our business at 60-100 beats per minute. Which, for some flicks, isn’t automatically the worst thing in the world. But this is a superhero movie, and that ain’t gonna fly here. Case in point (speaking of superheroes and flying)- if his Superman Returns had just one fucking INSANE action sequence, just one, we’d remember it fondly instead of shrugging our collective shoulders and saying, “yeah, whatever.**” Oh, and to be clear- I’m not saying Days Of Future Past is full of Superman Returns-level non-action. Far from it. But its action bits still leave me wanting more. Yes, Singer seems to have taken some positive steps forward in this regard, but the dude has made four comic-book movies now, and while I see more action than before, I’m not really seeing it get exponentially better. Last year, James Mangold took my breath away a couple of times with The Wolverine. This year, Singer fell just a bit short of that with DOFP… and he’s got like 10 times the muties on his palette.
Anyway, again, not a bad flick. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should. Once. Maybe once again when it comes out on DVD/Blu at the Redbox, or when it streams on Netflix. After that… maybe catch a scene or two when it becomes a twice-a-year Sunday afternoon TBS or TNT staple…
…but that’s it.
*Okay, so here’s the (confusing) deal: both 20th Century Fox and Marvel Studios own the rights to this character, so you’ll be seeing him here and in The Avengers: Age Of Ultron, played by a different actor. It will be totally unrelated to these flicks, and he won’t be referred to as a “mutant” there, because, legalities, and stuff. Anyway, it seems to me that his superfluous (albeit really fucking cool) presence here was Fox’s way of beating the FAR SUPERIOR Marvel Universe movies to the punch with this guy. Because, you know, someone has to have the bigger movie cock, and all…
**The airplane sequence doesn’t count. Sorry. Yes, it was well done, but far from INSANE. You want crazy action? Last year’s Man Of Steel had it in spades, whether you liked that flick or not.
More 2013 Movies, Part 1: Temperamental Maestros, Tender Mutants, and Talking Meat.
Posted: September 26, 2013 Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: adamantium, adrian palicki, bakula, behind the candelabra, channing tatum, claws, Dwayne Johnson, first class, g.i. joe, hugh jackman, liberace, mariko, marvel, matt damon, michael douglas, mutants, ninjas, ray park, retaliation, roadblock, snake eyes, storm shadow, The Rock, the wolverine, thorson, wolverine, x-men 2 CommentsMore stuff. Because what you really want are write-ups about months-old movies, right?
Behind The Candelabra – It occurred to me that even though this wasn’t a theatrical release, it is a full-on movie, so I should say something about HBO’s Liberace biopic that I saw back in May. Michael Douglas did a fine job portraying everyone’s favorite glitzy piano player, even if it was a little one-note. Matt Damon, however, was a revelation as Liberace’s boytoy, Scott Thorson. Just a brilliant, subtle, uncomfortable, fearless performance, perfectly encapsulating what it is about that guy that makes him so great an actor. Scott Bakula showed up and lit up the screen in an all-too-brief role. He’s a guy who deserves more of a career than he has these days. Also, Rob Lowe was unintentionally (I think) frightening as a plastic surgeon who has had one too many plastic surgeries. Think Alec Baldwin’s stretched-out-face ghost in Beetlejuice.
And as for the movie itself, well, it was… informative. All I knew about Liberace was from the fantastically colorful and shiny performances I saw on TV (and MAN, that guy could play) as a young’un in the early 80’s. I never would have known this part of Liberace’s (well, Thorson’s, really) story, had this movie not been made. So, yeah, it had my interest… for about an hour. Then I realized it was never going to actually have any real peaks or valleys. Then I remembered that’s because it was a Steven Soderbergh movie. And, yeah, I know I (softly) bag on that guy a lot, but his style just doesn’t suit me. Everything feels so safe. Hell, even Traffic (the last Soderbergh joint I saw), for all its violent drug-cultureness didn’t leave me with much more than, “yup. Pretty good, uncomfortable, informative movie, I guess. Next!” Of course, that was like fifteen Soderberghs ago, so maybe I shouldn’t assume they’re all like that… but on the other hand, I walked away from Candelabra feeling the same way, fifteen Soderberghs later, so… dunno.
I’m just gonna go with this: Behind The Candelabra was good.
Wow. Damn with faint praise much?
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The Wolverine – It’s official- FOX’s Marvel output is back on the up and up. Things were looking pretty bleak after the 4-part disharmony that was Fantastic 4, X-Men: The Last Stand, Fantastic 4: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Two of which, namely the X-titles, I didn’t find to be the cinematic assrapes people keep saying they were, but I wouldn’t defend them as much more than “watchable.”). Then X-Men: First Class came along and started the ball rolling again (not going to add to the fellating of that movie. When it was good, it was great. But there was plenty of stuff that was simply awkward. Like, you know… the actual “first class”), and now The Jackman returns (again!) to the role that made him a star to knock said ball… well, not exactly out of the park… let’s call it a stand up triple. An exciting, runner-advancing, RBI-delivering, no-sliding-necessary, man-in-scoring-position triple with two outs and X:Men: Days Of Future Past at the plate.
Hey, I’m writing this as the regular MLB season is ending and my boys are entering the playoffs at the top of their league, so let me have this seriously thin baseball analogy, OK?
Anyway, Hugh Jackman (Huge Ackman?). I swear, he’s gotta be the coolest guy out there. Dude has carved out a respectable non-Wolverine career (on the stage too, so you know he’s legit), yet keeps returning to his breakout role. Sure, he’s getting paid the big bucks, but seriously, he’d get paid no matter what roles he took. Guy doesn’t have to keep signing the mutant contracts (he’s been in six at this point, next year will make it seven). I like to think it’s because he both genuinely enjoys playing Logan and isn’t a bigheaded Hollywood douche that longs to forget where he came from. But, uh, that really doesn’t have much to do with the actual movie, so…
…the actual movie. Is really great. It’s a movie that, once it takes off, never stops. Never slows down. Even in the quiet scenes there’s a sense of forward momentum. The action sequences are really goddamned exciting, the secondary characters are all interesting and fully realized (the caveat being “Viper.” I never really got the point of her), and to top it all off, I’ve found my next wife- Tao Okamoto. Or, wait… Rila Fukushima. You know what? They can fight it out. Anyway, really the only thing I wasn’t in love with was the ambiguity of the whole “Wolverine losing his powers” thing. I mean, yes, they “explain” why it was happening, but it was awkward. And its place in the finale was almost laughable (a machine specifically shaped and designed to sit Wolverine down, secure his arms, and drill into the bone marrow of his claws so the guy in the samurai-shaped hyperbaric adamantium mech armor can be young again? Yeah, it’s a comic book flick, but Jeebus Creebus, that’s a stretch…), but it didn’t kill the movie. It just, well… see the whole baseball thing above.
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G. I. Joe: Retaliation – I didn’t think it was possible, but once Channing Tatum got offed at the beginning of this movie (spoiler a-DERP!) they found an equally bland waste-of-space to replace him (D.J. Cotrona, in case you care about actors you may never see again). So, that happened. Oh, but there was also Adrian Palicki, who was almost as bland, so… TWO bland actors to replace one bland actor. I mean, fuck- this is a brainless action movie based on a 1980s-era toy line. It doesn’t take much, kids. Just ask Dwayne Johnson. Well, yeah, he was kinda bland, too, but he at least knows how to sell buddy scenes and action sequences. Seriously, when your most interesting character is a mute guy who wears a black helmet for the entire movie (Darth Ray Park), you know you’ve got something, er… “special” on your hands.
Not a total loss, though. There’s some fun (if not pointless) action, like the mountainside ninja fight, and… OK, maybe that was it. But, it’s always a pleasure to see Jonathan Pryce, Ray Stevenson, and Walt Goggins pop up in random movies to add some class…. even if zero multiplied by anything is still zero… and I swore I saw Bruce Willis at some point. I think it was a scene in a church with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone. Oh, wait… that was The Expendables. Same scene here, though- the one where he cashes a check while sleepwalking.
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Oh, also, this:
And this:
This, too:
Also, also this:
And also this:
But, finally, this:
Part 2 HERE.
2013 Midterms, Part 1: Bloody, Post-Apocalyptic Metal Men.
Posted: July 7, 2013 Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: 2013, andrea riseborough, avengers, ben kingsley, blood, bloodplay, bloodsploitation, chainsaw, comic book movies, don cheadle, entertainment, evil dead, fede alvarez, guy pearce, gwynyth paltrow, iron man 3, jaime lannister, jane levy, killian, mandarin, marvel, melissa leo, morgan freeman, movies, nail gun, nicolaj, oblivion, rdj, review, reviews, robert downey jr., sam raimi, tom cruise, tony stark, xenu 3 CommentsI’ve been lazy. Besides not getting to the theater on any kind of regular basis (March 8th was the first time I even bothered this year), I didn’t do any writing about what I’d seen. Until now. This is the order I saw them in (some in theaters, some at home (in italics)).
So, without further ado, here’s Part 1 of my 2013 experience, so far.
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Evil Dead: Bloodsploitation at its most bloody. Is “bloodsploitation” a word already? I’m gonna just assume it isn’t and that I’m the cleverest clever guy on planet Clever for coming up with it. Cool? Cool.
There’s some blood in the Evil Dead remake, you guys.
From people slicing off bits of their own faces to people hacking off their own limbs to people using nail guns as projectile weapons to people bludgeoning other people with toilet lids to people burying chainsaws in yet other people’s heads while blood torrents down from the sky… there’s some blood.
Also, there’s a really fun and occasionally scary movie happening during all this bloodplay. Oh. “Bloodplay” actually has been used before. And, uh… it’s grosser than what happens in this movie. Google it. But, yeah, as far as remakes go, this will definitely do. There’s a more grounded feel to it- the demons are all still mostly human-looking (except those eyes, man…), more like crazy, possessed Regan MacNeils than big, puffy beasties, and none of them fly around the cabin, giggling like loons. And did I mention there’s lots and lots of blood? Like 50 times more than the 1981 classic (and it is a classic, by the way). There’s also some tweaks to the characters and plot of the original- the Ash character is now both the first person possessed, the last one standing, and female (“Mia” played by Jane Levy. She’s a little young for me, but we’ll make it work), and instead of going on a fun vacation, the reason these five people are in a cabin deep in the woods is they’re trying to help her kick her heroin habit. But a lot of the iconic imagery and situations remain. We still get a dumbass starting the whole mess by not heeding the warnings and reading the Book Of The Dead aloud, there’s still the “forest is alive” aspect, and there’s still a loosely-chained cellar door barely holding the evil at bay, but it’s all updated to fit the new aesthetic, and it’s all done with such great love and reverence to the original (originals, actually- it’s like Evil Dead 1 & 2 combined) that I never once said to myself, “remakes suck,” like I do at 90% of them.
Also, it’s really very artistic, visually. Fede Alvarez has a real eye for framing copious amounts of gore. The aforementioned image of our heroine burying a chainsaw down the throat of the big bad in the pouring bloodrain while the cabin burns behind them is, no joke, one of the most beautiful images of the year so far. Definitely more beautiful than anything original Evil Dead creator & director Sam Raimi did with that friggin’ Oz movie he made, that’s for damn sure. But we’ll get to that later…
So, uh, see Evil Dead, if you’re not squeamish. It’s the first movie I saw in 2013, and it’s still the most fun I’ve had in the theater this year.
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Oblivion: Planet Of The Matrix Wall-E Space Odyssey Apes! And then some!!
Oblivion is every science fiction movie you’ve ever seen, wrapped up in one slick package. Sometimes it’s thematic- someone has been left behind on an unliveable Earth to clean the place up, like in Wall-E. Sometimes it’s visual- recognizeable half-destroyed structures jut out of the landscape, like in Planet Of The Apes. Sometimes it’s in the design- Tom Cruise flies around in a slick, curvy, aerodynamic ship with rounded blue-flame engines, like in The Phantom Menace. And sometimes it’s just plain scene-stealing- our heroes fly an enemy vessel into the mothership to destry it from within, like in Independence Day. Add to that cloning, a human resistance, a forbidden zone, hunter-killer robots, a computer-run ecosystem, a pod-like race through a canyon, and fast-moving creatures showing up on motion-detectors and you’ve got a cornucopia of pretty familiar situations.
You’d think this would have bugged the shit out of me. It didn’t.
Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age, or maybe I was just too tired to care… but I think, actually, that it was simply a pretty good movie with some pretty good performances (Cruise, Morgan Freeman, my new girlfriend Andrea Riseborough, Melissa Leo, Jaime Lannister Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) that elicited some pretty positive reactions in me. It went with a very specific, uncomfortable tone right from the get-go and stuck with it. And I’m down with that. Original? Not so much. A classic? No, but it references several. Good? Yeah. Very good.
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Iron Man 3: I’m loving this Marvel Movie Renaissance. They’re really starting to take some bold(er) chances, post-Avengers. Iron Man 3 is the first bit of proof. They hire Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang‘s Shane Black to write and direct it, and he tells a very personal tale about a man who should be on top of the world he just saved, but instead he’s been reduced to a frightened, obsessed, reclusive ball of uncertainty, that some have opined is Tony Stark suffering from PTSD, following the cosmic events of last year’s big team-up. Then Black has the sheer audacity to introduce a classic fan-favorite big bad from the comic (and hinted at in the first Iron Man) only to unceremoniously blow the whole thing out of the water with a crazy reveal that completely negates everything the other characters and we, the audience, expected. And then he goes balls-out and presents us a Tony Stark that spends 2/3 of the movie, including most of the big finale, fighting crime while not wearing the superhero suit that gives us the title of the movie.
And it’s all so very, very great. This is how you keep it fresh, kids. I mean, I dug Man Of Steel, but with its city-in-peril destruction and “enemies from out there, somewhere” aesthetic, it’s trying so hard to capitalize on The Avengers that it gets one-upped by this smaller tale of one man’s personal growth. I guess Iron is stronger than Steel.
Anyway, the Iron Man returnees (RDJ, Paltrow, Cheadle, et al.) continue to bring top-notch character interaction and evolution, and the newcomers (namely Guy Pearce as “Aldrich Killian,” Ben Kingsley as “The Mandarin,” and Rebecca Hall as “Maya Hansen”) work as perfect, unexpected foils for them. And, really, it’s the movie’s rich characters that season it to perfection. The action is just frosting.
If you felt burned by the sheer excess of Iron Man 2 (I didn’t, but I get it if you did) and that kept you from checking out 3, do yourself a favor and see if it’s still playing near you. If not, get on it when it’s available at home. Yeah, there’s a veritable army of Iron on display here, but this time it’s all in service of the more important half of the equation- the Man.
P.S. Next up for the Marvel people and their bold choices- Thor: The Dark World. Apparently it’s full of Dark Elves and fantasy realms, and possibly very little in the way of Earth. Not to mention next year’s Guardians Of The Galaxy, which features a tree-man and a talking raccoon with guns. Yeah, shit just got surreal, you guys.
PART 2 HERE!
Yeah, Well, You Know, That's Just, Like, uhh... Your Opinion, Man... 
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