2018 Movie Midterms, Pt. 2

More Movies!  More Marvel!  More Monkeyshines!

(HERE for PART 1)

Rampage:  A two hour movie about that video game you sort of remember playing a few times in the late 80s starring that cuddly mound of man meat Dwayne Johnson, the new Ms. Moneypenny, and The Comedian as Neegan as an FBI guy who everyone, himself included, keeps referring to as a “cowboy” for some reason.  A giant albino gorilla, a gianter flying wolf, and a giantest spiked alligator go nuts and destroy Chicago.  But the giant ape turns good again and saves the day.  Then he gives The Rock the finger.  And there are lots of helicopters.  And Joe Manganiello as “growling guy.”  And a cameo appearance by the eponymous video game, not quite so surreptitiously placed behind Malin Akerman and her annoying brother and their pet rat.  It’s soooo dummmb.  

I dug it.

Super Troopers 2: Here’s the thing- I never saw the first Super Troopers.  But I dove in anyway, and I’m glad I did because this movie is all the right kinds of STOOOOOOPID.  Seriously, I had a blast.  Check that brain at the door and just laugh at these five idiots being idiots for 90 minutes.

Avengers: Infinity War: Spoiler Alert: your favorite new Marvel superhero probably dies in this movie.  But don’t fret- all the unoriginal buzzkill critic jerknozzles will fall all over themselves to reassure you that your hero will be back because the actor portraying him or her has a three movie deal!  No, no, please, people who get paid too much money to write about movies, why don’t you all gloss over the artistically uncomfortable, totally earned, emotional final moments of this film so you can push your glasses up higher on the bridge of your nose and, in your best Steve Urkel voice, declare, “the impact of the finale is lessened by the knowledge that there are sequels coming out starring these people,” like the world’s most obvious fucking know-it-all party pooper.  Seriously, you’re SO SMART, pumpkin.  You’re Mommy’s favorite little smarty-smart.

Anyway, this movie is a nonstop thrill ride with a poignant downbeat ending, and it’s really great.  

And Peter Dinklage plays a giant dwarf, sooooo… totally worth it.

Deadpool 2: the best thing about DP2?  They didn’t try to one-up Deadpool.  They just made another movie.  Sure, there are more characters, subplots, and action sequences, but they never feel like the filmmakers trying to top themselves.  This ain’t no The Matrix: Reloaded (need to say it- I absolutely love the Matrix sequels in all their over-the-top glory.  This was just an example, because you know what I mean when I say, “this ain’t no The Matrix: Reloaded” in the context of a movie trying to one-up its predecessor.  Right?  Good.  Now where was I?)- it’s a movie that is comfortable with its grounded approach to maintaining the world built in the first flick.  Because it’s all about the funny, and if you start to get all flashy with whizbang SFX and big, multi-character battles against hordes of evil, you might lose the funny in an effectively personal story like this.  AND, as it turns out, keeping it small(-ish) actually helps to punctuate the emotional, heartfelt stuff as well.

Also, I could listen to that Dopinder guy scream like a girl ALL DAY.

Solo: A Star Wars Story: “…a total blast that felt more like OG Star Wars than literally ANYTHING that has come out since Endor hosted The Great Teddy Bear Rave of ’83.”

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Dinosaur Movies Again: I mean, does it make me a bad person if I actually liked this movie?  Because I actually liked this movie.  Quite a bit.  Yeah, the first 15 minutes or so were chock full of bad dialogue, embarrassingly obvious foreshadowing, and plot points that got holes shot in them right away… but later I kind of forgot the specifics about those things because I was too busy BEING ENTERTAINED.  So sue me.

Look, it’s the fifth movie in a franchise that should have ended after the first.  An unnecessary sequel to a soft reboot that nobody asked for.  I mean, how many goddamn times can you make a movie about the failure to keep cloned dinosaurs locked up without treading over the same cinematic ground?  It’s clear that they know this.  So they went ahead and changed things up a bit by smartening up the action and dumbing down the stakes.  And what we got was an honest-to-god, old-school, exciting summer blockbuster action extravaganza that actually felt more Spielberg-y than original sequel The Lost World ever did. 

So, thanks, J. A. Bayona, Chris Pratt, Michael Giacchino, et al., for reaching down deep, finding and defibrillating high school me, and getting him excited about big, loud movies again for a couple of hours.  Life, uhhh… found a way, and stuff.

And yes- I did just use “et al.” incorrectly, thank you very much.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: well, that was a nice palate-cleanser.  The stakes are low, the action is (ahem) small, and the story is completely self-contained, in the grand Marvel scheme of things.  After Infinity War’s super-seriousness, I welcome all that.  The only issue is that I couldn’t help but keep the aforementioned Avengers flick on deck in my brain, simply because it has such all-encompassing ramifications to these MCU movies, and I was constantly considering where AM&TW fits into it all.  But the mid-credits stinger dealt with it, so… all good.

Paul Rudd, while maybe not a Shakespeare-level actor, is an unendingly likable guy, and everyone else on-screen really responds to that.  And that camaraderie really helps to sell the multiple themes of family that Peyton Reed peppers throughout this thing.  The scenes with Scott Lang and his daughter are particularly sweet, which is a nice change of pace for Marvel; after the heavily dysfunctional familial overtones of GOTG2, Infinity War, all the Thor flicks, etc., it’s refreshing to have a simple, relatively uncomplicated family thing to keep a movie grounded in feel-goodland while the title characters are off shrinking, growing, heisting, punching, kicking, and science-ing.*

I don’t really see a compelling reason for them to make a third Ant-Man movie, though.  This is the second time they’ve followed up a big, all-encompassing, multi-hero, Marvel Universe-changing flick with a safe little Ant sorbet, which probably means there’s not much more you can do with this guy.  Really, they should just have these characters cameo in other people’s movies- Wasp should definitely show up in Black Widow’s solo joint, if that ever happens, and if a non-Evans Cap happens, Ant-Man should definitely be a part of it.  And Hank Pym is already basically nu-Selvig, so let him be part of whatever SHIELD-like Avengers home base thing they’ve got going on.  This way we can avoid more action scenes revolving around what new child’s toy they can accidentally make life-sized.

I mean, sure, the giant kids’ toy thing was fun.  Twice.  A third time, though?

So, that’s where I’m at.  I got a little behind and missed a few relatively recent releases that I meant to see (Hotel Artemis, Hereditary, Incredibles 2, Tag, The First Purge), but I’ll get to them eventually and check back in with y’all.  And by “y’all” I mean all five of you.

Say goodbye, George…

*Did I use that semicolon correctly?  I tend to unapologetically bend the English language to my own will, but every once in a while I’m curious about proper syntax.