By The Gods!

A quickie.

Wrath Of The Titans: Yup. A solid flick. A sequel better than the original (the 2010 one, I mean). A movie that takes off running and simply doesn’t slow down.

The gods are dying. They get their power from prayer, and ain’t nobody a-prayin’ (besides the GOP). Hades (Ralph Fiennes) is still pissed at Zeus (Liam Neeson) for banishing him to the underworld, so he gets Zeus’s son (and God Of War), Ares (Édgar Ramírez) to help him wake up his daddy (and original Titan) Kronos for a big family Armageddon reunion. You know, like Thanksgiving, except Greek. Zeus, knowing grandpa will just make it his first action to rewrite his will, leaving what’s left of the world to some trophy wife, or something, goes to his demigod son Perseus (Sam Worthington) for help. Because, apparently, they get along now. Perseus, in turn, seeks the help of his hot (uh… ish…) blonde ladyfriend, Andromeda (Rosamund Pike) and another demigod, Agenor (Toby Kebbell). Flying-horseback riding, labyrinth hijinks, and cyclops-on-cyclops action ensues.

So, CLASH Of The Titans (2010) was a bit of a mess. Not horrible, for sure, but much has been said about how thanks to boneheaded studio post-production tinkering (and director Louis Letellier taking it, unquestioningly, like a prison bitch), the movie they filmed wasn’t the movie we got. And, yeah- it showed. WRATH Of The Titans, however, comes across as very much fully conceived, executed, cut together, and delivered as imagined from the get-go. And it’s good. Surprisingly good*.

…but not great by any stretch, to be sure. While it does take off running, it neither sprints nor runs a marathon. It jogs. At a healthy, yet moderate pace. Like a guy trying to get in shape. Director Jonathan Liebesman does a fine job of keeping things moving, but these “things” aren’t necessarily the most interesting you’ve seen. And when the movie shifts from traveling sequences to action set-pieces, there’s really not any difference in tone. Case-in-point: the labyrinth sequence. Our surviving heroes (David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly, and some baby Perseus, Andromeda, and Agenor) get lost in a stony, shifting enchanted maze created by fallen god Hephaestus (played by real-life god Bill Nighy). Needless to say, wackiness ensues, including a “there’s something in here with us” bit that ends with Perseus battling a minotaur-like demon-thing. Problem is, he fells the beastie and moves on before we even realize it’s happening (or even get a good look at it). And then we’re on to the next big set-piece thing so fast, the whole labyrinth sequence almost seems superfluous. Almost. Would it have been better to slow down and better establish the sequence before all hell broke loose? Dunno. The leanness and meanness of Wrath is it’s central charm, so I guess not. Especially after seeing how the John Carter of Mars folks handled its pacing (read: like a compulsive masturbator with a copy of Black Tail magazine and a pair of unremovable sandpaper gloves**). In fact, speaking of JCoM, I feel like somewhere in the middle ground between it and Wrath lives a really great fantasy sci-fi epic. Now if only someone would film it…

Anyway, while WOTT could have used some more dynamic peaks and valleys, a much (much) more exciting climax, and, actually, some more titans, I’m calling it a win for everyone involved (except maybe John Bell, who played Perseus’s son, Helius. He just had one of those eminently punchable faces). So…

A Surprisingly Satisfied, If Not Completely Enthralled Thumbs-Up for a movie that heard you cry foul in 2010 and responded with tender loving care. Awww.

12/17/12 EDIT!!!!!: Just like I did with John Carter of Mars, I’m retroactively calling bullshit on myself and hereby declare this one a THUMBS-SIDEWAYS.  It’s been an interesting year for movies, and by that I mean there have been movies far more interesting than this one.  Therefore, THUMBS-SIDEWAYS (and, side note- may I never have the clean-shaven face/long hair combo again.  I friggin’ look like a bad Sunday funnies character).

*You know what else was surprisingly good? The 3-D. Completely unnecessary, to be sure, and if you can save yourself the extra 5 bucks and see it in only two D’s you’d miss nothing, but for a post-converted 3-D flick, Wrath did aigght.

**Okay, so maybe that description of how John Carter of Mars‘s pacing was “handled” was a bit of a stretch, but it was really fun to type, so, you know, eat it.