Damn, Dirty Alien Apes!

Attack The Block:  Chances are you won’t be able to see Attack The Block.  For now.  It’s a British indie film that played at the SXSW festival, and as far as I can tell, the filmmakers are still looking for a major distributor.  I saw it at a special screening, courtesy of CHUD.com (gracias, y’all.  Yeah, like they’re reading this…) last Wednesday at Chelsea Cinemas, and it was glorious.

Plot:  Ferocious alien beasts land in a shady South London neighborhood.  A local gang takes it upon themselves to defeat the big, hairy buggers and save the day.

Yup.  Pretty basic.  But as with all good indie films, it’s all about the journey.  In this movie’s case, it’s the local hoods that make said journey, from zeroes to heroes in 88 minutes.  And since this isn’t a fluffy, rosy American film, said zeroes/heroes are so very unapologetically far from “good” at the start, which is part of what makes this movie so interesting.

…as do the creatures.  The first one we see is a chimp-sized, grey, toothy little bitch that lashes out at our main hero (“Moses”, played by John Boyega) and gets killed for its transgression.  Turns out this one was a small version of the real threat.  Dozens more soon land and, uh, well… attack the block.  These creatures are roughly the size and shape of gorillas, eyeless, covered in hair so black that you can’t see any specific features… except their bluish, glowing, layered set of fangs.  Really, really cool design.  And this is a movie that pulls no punches- these aliens literally tear their victims apart in various bloody ways, usually right after they make their presence known with an illuminated grin.

The humans are, again, Moses’ gang: Pest (Alex Esmail), Dennis (Franz Drameh), Jerome (Leeon Jones), & Biggz (Simon Howard), young nurse-in-training, “Sam” (Jodie Whittaker), local gangsta/rapper/marijuana grower, “Hi-Hatz” (Jumayn Hunter), weed dealer “Ron” (Nick Frost), and stoner “Brewis” (Luke Treadaway), and they’re all really good.  This is one of those rare movies where having a huge cast of characters (there’s plenty more, but the ones I mentioned above are the most notable) isn’t a detriment to the story.  Director/Writer Joe Cornish has done a superb job with getting across who all these guys and gals are in their scattered snippets of dialogue.  In other words, he knows how to direct actors (you’re thinking, “well, duh,” but it’s disturbing how often a director fails at this).  And he knows action as well, especially considering that this movie mostly takes place in and around one apartment building.  Something “small” like that could easily have been a plodding, repetitive nightmare.  Instead it’s fun, fun, gory fun.  With heart!

I hate to be “comparison guy”, and I hate more to say, “this movie is a lot like Shaun Of The Dead” mostly because it sounds like I’m making that distinction since this movie 1. Is also from across the pond, 2. Also features Nick Frost, and 3. Is exec. produced by Edgar Wright… but really, thematically, it is.  Like the character of Shaun, Moses is forced, through supernatural events, to accept responsibility, protect the people he cares about, and grow up a little.  The execution of that basic premise is somewhat different, the character arcs are certainly more extreme, and the humor is toned down a bit, but it’s there.  And once again, it works.  Block is not the feel-good movie that Shaun is- the Sci-Fi/Horror thing is front-and-center this time and not the backdrop.  And when main characters die here it’s brutal and unexpected.  You never quite feel at ease while watching, and you never believe that any character is exempt from a bloody death.  There’s also a little less closure, character-wise, at the end.  I liked that, though- not everything has to be wrapped up neatly every time.

What didn’t I like?  Well… I mentioned that these characters go through a major shift from hood rats to heroes.  Problem is it takes a little long for that to get going.  These guys are serious ASSHOLES at the beginning of this movie.  It literally opens with the character of “Sam” getting mugged at knife-point by these jackholes.  Honestly, it was so wrong that I thought the opening was a classic horror prologue where these five gang guys were going to get their bloody come-uppance by the alien beastie that landed and interrupted the mugging.  Then, five minutes later I realized that these were the people who we were going to be following for the next 80 minutes.  But it’s not only that these guys start out so far on one extreme- it’s that even halfway through the flick I still didn’t like them.  Now, I know that I’m just a dumb American and that I should just shut up and applaud a movie where the characters aren’t goody two shoes from frame one, and, really, I DO… I’m just sayin’ I think it took longer than necessary.  I’m all for keeping a Sci-Fi/Horror flick grounded in reality, but not at the expense of good, old-fashioned entertainment.  Also, trying to justify their actions with one half-assed, generic throwaway line like, “the Feds put the drugs into the neighborhood, then the guns…” just ain’t gonna play.  And, yes, I realize that line was probably half-humorous, especially since the next bit blames the Feds for putting the aliens there, but it still came across as faux-preachy and out-of-left-field.  Especially since the cops we do see don’t come across as jerks at all.

The only other complaint is an aural one.  Now, I pride myself in being able to understand spotty dialects pretty well.  And I know this movie was made for Brits, by Brits… but MAN OH MAN was it hard to understand these kids.  Not always, and never so bad that I couldn’t at least get the gist, but it’s exhausting when you have to do the “translation” live.  Really, though, like the last bit (about the spotty characters), it’s not a deal-breaker, just another minor infraction on an otherwise genius flick.  Repeat viewings will render this point moot.

If this movie sees the light of day on a major release, and I really, really hope it does, then SEE IT.  It’s more of what the movie biz needs these days: a kick-ass flick by a gung-ho writer/director making art the way it should be made- on a modest budget.  It’s original, it’s funny, it’s scary, it’s exciting, it’s trés fucking cool.

8 Out Of 10 Day-Glo Smiles

[Edit – 6/22/11]  Fandango.com says ATB will be released on July 29th!  SWEET!  Go see it!

Dead Men Tell Four Tales

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: So, I love the 3 previous Pirates movies.  Completely.  I understand why some don’t.  Completely.  Yes, the first is the best, and yes, the two follow-ups are a little too convoluted for their own good, but there’s just something about them that satisfies me to the movie-lovin’ core.

Happily, and to my great relief, On Stranger Tides fits right in there beside its older brothers.  It isn’t perfect, it doesn’t break any new ground, and it’s exciting moments never quite reach the heights of, say, a three-man swordfight on a giant rolling wheel, but it does manage to hit all of the right familiar chords without being a stale copy of the swashbuckling that came before.

Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) sets out on a journey to find the fabled Fountain Of Youth.  Along the way he runs into an old lover, Angelica (Penelope Cruz), and a couple of old rivals, Barbossa & Blackbeard (Geoffrey Rush & Ian McShane), who, along with some Spaniards, are all also looking for the Fountain.  Who will get there first?  Who will reap the rewards?  You’ll just have to go and see, matey.

I was impressed by Johnny Depp in this movie.  Captain Jack Sparrow is a character that people loved right off the bat back in 2003, so when he came back in the two sequels, he kicked it up a notch, quirkiness-wise.  My fear was that he was going to either sleepwalk though this one or swash & buckle in such an over-the-top manner that I’d get sick of him and tune out right away.  But Johnny Depp’s a smart guy.  It’s as if he heard all of the moaning and groaning attached to his recent, er, choices… namely his completely annoying Willy Wonka and his epilepsy-inducing Mad Hatter (the latter of which I didn’t hate, but I know most people did).  In On Stranger Tides he actually pulls Sparrow’s buffoonery back a little bit, giving him a more grounded, human edge.  Depp has allowed the character of Jack Sparrow to evolve naturally.  I think this has mostly to do with the fact that he’s the lone protagonist here, where in the past he shared that distinction with Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom.  This movie is more about Sparrow’s journey than how he fits in to someone else’s.

Everyone else puts in a good performance as well.  Geoffrey Rush continues his penchant for scenery chewing in the best way possible, Penelope Cruz is at her most intelligible and manages to pull off a (somewhat) layered performance, McShane’s Blackbeard is one cold bastard, no surprises there.  Even the ensemble secondary and tertiary cast, comprised of all new faces (with the exception of Kevin McNally returning as “Gibbs”) bring their A-Game.  Honestly, it must be a blast to work on these movies.  It certainly looks that way.

One thing this film has over the other three is its simplicity.  Now, again, I love those movies, and I find their convoluted… ness… part of their charm, but it was refreshing to get something a little more straightforward, narrative-wise.  Example: Blackbeard can control the rigging on his ship with his magic sword, but there’s almost no explanation as to why, we aren’t “graced” with several subplots surrounding where it came from and what kind of voodoo magic is involved, and we certainly don’t have to follow any sort of “pirate council” explaining how this defies the “pirate code” or anything.  His sword is magic.  Scene.  Same with the mermaids and the zombies.  “Why do we need a mermaid?”  “Because their tears are an ingredient in making the Fountain Of Youth work its mojo.”  Yup.  Got it.  And I think the only explanation we get for this film’s version of zombies is “Blackbeard’s crew is zombified because it makes them more compliant.”  OK.  That’s actually enough, no more explanation necessary.  It’s not like anybody doesn’t know what a fucking zombie is.

The design is pretty much the same as we’ve seen before… but, really, how much variety can anyone expect from this era of piracy?  Wooden ships, metal swords, cannons, and puffy shirts.  Pretty basic stuff.

The only real detriment here (and it’s a minor one) is director Rob Marshall.  He didn’t do a poor job, by any means, but as I alluded to above, he’s not the best at keeping the more action-heavy scenes crisp.  I refer again to that scene in Dead Man’s Chest where Sparrow, Turner, and Norrington duel it out across a beach, through the woods, and then onto (and inside) that big wheel, all the while trading off and on who’s in possession of the key.  Gore Verbinski must have spent weeks storyboarding, figuring out the choreography and tweaking the cinematography, while the actors certainly rehearsed the hell out of it, before it went in front of the cameras.  And it shows.  In OST we get some exciting swordfighting, mermaid–attacks, and fun-yet-harrowing escape-chases, but they never come across as meticulously conceived as anything that happens in the first 3 movies.  I wouldn’t call them “muddy” or “generic”, but they threatened to lean in that direction a couple of times.  Marshall can film a good action scene, but I don’t know if he has the chops to successfully build one.  But I’m nitpicking here, based mostly on what has come before.  If this had been the first Pirates OTC movie I ever saw, I probably wouldn’t have noticed.  He fares better in the quieter moments, especially the scene where Blackbeard’s men act as bait to catch a mermaid.  When the first mermaid comes out of the water and starts singing to the pirates, it’s pretty spooky.  It’s also followed by one of the better action scenes Marshall has to offer.  It makes me wonder, though- are the better moments of this movie the result of Rob Marshall’s directing or the acting talent involved?  Not sure.  I guess I’ll have to check it out again.

So, basically, On Stranger Tides is a slightly flawed gem, but it still fits nicely at the back of the Pirates Of The Caribbean crown.  It’s a good time at the movies, me hearties, so sail yer galleon to the movie cove, drop some doubloons, and… … … sorry.  I’ll stop.

Yo Ho Ho And 8 out of 10 Bottles Of Rum

The Quick And The Angry. 5.

Double-Feature, Part II.

Fast Five:  I have never seen The Fast And The Furious.  Or 2 Fast 2 Furious.  Or The Fast And The Furious: Tokyo Drift.  Or Fast And Furious.  Or Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Or Mohandas Gandhi’s The Art Of Fasting.

But I have seen Fast Five.  And I have liked it.

Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and a whole bunch of other assorted B-level actors and rappers-turned-B-level-actors steal cars and use them to piss of G-Men and rip off drug lords.

The End.

Seriously, that’s pretty much the plot.  From what I gather, our modern-day Robin Hood (Diesel) and his band of Merry Men (Walker & all those other guys & gals), each appeared in at least one of the other “Fast” movies mentioned above (except those last two), and have all come together for one massive ensemble-driven heist movie with cars.  Oh, except this Robin Hood doesn’t steal from the rich to feed the poor, he steals from the rich to feed his gas tank.  And also to piss off the Sheriff of Nottingham (The Rock… Dwayne… Rocky Johnson… Rocky Dennis… whatever).

Anyway, fun, fun, fun.  And FAST.  And furious, I guess.  It’s refreshing to see so many practical stunts in the year 2011.  I guess maybe some weren’t, but I couldn’t tell.  The only one I’m sure wasn’t was Diesel & Walker’s plunge off a cliff into a river, but let’s face it- no insurance company in the world is going to back that bit of insanity.  The acting is actually surprisingly good.  These guys aren’t going to be winning any awards (well, maybe those MTV Movie Awards, but who gives a rat’s tailpipe about that nonsense), but no one gives a forehead-slapping performance.  The fact that there’s so many people sharing screen time, and, as a result, individuals have less to say, each, probably helps this.  Dwayne Rockman gives his best performance to date, and that’s coming from a guy who thinks he’s one of the most overrated B-Listers out there (People love to say, “The Rock is actually a pretty good actor.”  FACT: If you say it like it’s an apology, then chances are it ain’t true).  Also, that’s guy’s fucking huge, so at least he can sit back and let his biceps do the performing when the going gets tough.  And he does.  In a good way.  There were times, though, that he and Diesel seemed to be trying to out-flex each other.  Lots of puffing up and staring down.  Guys, just make out, already.  Sheesh.

The action is top-notch.  Exciting car racing, pulse-pounding rooftop footchases (not a word, you say?  Too bad) shootouts, fistfights, this movie’s got it all, and it’s all so very clear.  This ain’t Transformers- you can actually tell what’s going on.  It’s a visceral experience, through and through, and I’m glad I caught it…

…once.  I don’t really have anything negative to say about the movie, but that doesn’t mean I was completely enamored by it.  Like Priest, the first movie in my self-made double-feature last Wednesday, I wonder if I liked Fast Five so much because I expected so little.  However, while Priest has the definite potential to raise it’s grade on future viewings, F5 won’t ever get any better.  It was really good, but there’s simply nothing else to be mined from it.  What you see is definitely what you get- no need to search for any subtext.  Basically, I don’t feel any desire to revisit it, or to even go back and check out any of the previous films in the franchise.  I came, I saw, I dug.  And this is all.

7 out of 10 Hot Chicks On Motorcycles

Kicking Ass For The Lord

I did a double-feature the other day, and this was the first.  The second involved some fast and furious cars.  I’ll get to that one later.

Priest: So, I saw Legion last year.  It was directed by Scott Charles Stewart and starred Paul Bettany as an angel who travels to the desert to defend mankind against hordes of zombies.  It was the third worst movie I saw in 2010.

I saw Priest the other day.  It was directed by Scott Charles Stewart and starred Paul Bettany as a priest who travels to the desert to defend mankind against hordes of vampires.  My expectations, as you may imagine, were low.

But, oh my stars and garters, what a turnaround!  Not great, by any stretch, and when all is said and done it will end up sitting firmly outside of this year’s top 10, but I had a pretty fun time watching it.

So, basically, here’s the story- mankind and vampires have been at war since forever.   The vampires are stronger and therefore are on the winning side. Eventually some superhuman warriors are born.  Controlled by the church, these “priests” effectively wipe out most of the vampire horde, then fade back into society, leaving the remaining few vampires living in reservations deep in the desert, away from the large, walled cities where everyone is protected by a church-ruled fascist regime.  But, years later, when a family living outside the city is suddenly attacked and a young girl is taken hostage by an unknown menace, a lone priest takes it upon himself, against church orders, to hunt down the antagonists, who are likely the vampires back again from their exile.

And, hey HEY!- these vampires aren’t emo doucheturds that sparkle in sunlight!  Thank the maker!  True, they’re a little extreme on the other side of the coin- they’re eyeless, speechless, feral beasts, hell-bent on tearing humans to bits, but in these waning-Twilight days, that’s OK in my book.  I mean, you know, if I had a book.  And although we’re dealing with vampires here this isn’t a horror movie.  It’s total action.  “Priest” (that’s actually the name of Bettany’s character) isn’t Van Helsing.  He’s Rambo.  With a brown crucifix tattooed between his brows. He’s there to kick vampire ass and take names.

Stewart does a pretty good job of setting up this post-apocalyptic world.  The city is a dark, dingy, dystopian labyrinth of uncomfortable fluorescent lights and cold, wet concrete and steel.  The face of this world’s “big brother” (Monsignor Orelas, played by Christopher Plummer) stares at the inhabitants, reminding them to always trust in the church and line up at public confessional booths to divulge their sins to an impersonal pre-recorded message on a TV screen, while order is maintained by faceless stormtroopers with heavy body armor and big guns.  Most of the movie, though, takes place outside of the city in a bone-dry, cracked, desert wasteland bleached by an oppressive sun.  Peppered throughout the desert are small, “Old-West” style towns that, since they aren’t in the city, are not “protected” by the church.

Basically, it’s an effectively atmospheric movie.  No matter where you live in this world, your life sort of sucks.  And on top of that, there’s a resurgence of vampires to worry about.

But there’s one guy out there fighting for your miserable existence!  Priest!  Hooray!  Paul Bettany brings a detached coldness to his role, whether trying to reason with his (kind of annoying) sidekick, Hicks, or tossing crucifix–shaped throwing stars into hopping vampire flesh.  We learn that his attitude is born out of having to become one of the order late in life, leaving a family behind.  He’s a priest with a troubled past.  And it doesn’t include altar boys!  Hicks (played by Cam Gigandet.  Wow.  Is that really his name?  Sounds like one of those jagoff Star Wars Prequel characters) is the sheriff ‘round these parts, and it’s his girlfriend, Lucy (Lily Collins), that’s been kidnapped.  Oh, and she’s also Priest’s niece (hey, that rhymes!).  Karl Urban plays a country singer that marries Nicole Kidman a priest that was Bettany’s friend, taken by vampires and turned into a sort of superhuman-vampire hybrid that can walk in sunlight and not sparkle.  And he plays it with a gleeful insanity that certainly deserved more screen time.  Speaking of lack of screen time, Brad Dourif shows up, briefly, as a snake oil salesman.  I mention it because that guy rules.  Watch Exorcist III some time (stop making that face, dick) and tell me I’m wrong.  Maggie Q (what’s your last name?  Q.  What’s it stand for?  Q.  Who’s on first?) plays “Priestess” (seriously), pulled out of retirement and sent into the desert to hunt down the rogue Priest with three of her compatriots (“Brave Priest”, “Strong Priest”, and “Bold Priest”.  Again, seriously), but no worries, you side with your partner before you side with the “suits”, so they, of course, help their fellow tattoo-face.  There’s also hints of an unrequited love between Priestess & Priest, but it’s kept, effectively, to a minimum.

And that’s really one of this movie’s best assets- it’s lack of over-the-top theatrics.  That’s not to say it isn’t an exciting rush of action, because it absolutely is.  What I mean is a movie so out there, thematically, could have easily heaped on the melodrama, but Scott Charles Stewart (doesn’t three names = serial killer?) never lets it get lost up its own ass.  There’s plenty of sci-fi aspects here, but we never dwell on any of it.  This ain’t Star Trek- we don’t ever have to hear HOW the futuristic technology works, it simply does.  We never know WHY the Priests are superhuman, or even get explanations on why all their weapons are crucifix-shaped.  They come from the church and are fighting vampires, so we know that stuff already.  It’s a movie that, thankfully, rarely pauses to explain itself and simply trusts that its audience will follow.

That’s not to say it’s perfect.  I’m an over-thinker by nature, so I get nitpicky when I see a movie ignore its own world, even slightly.  An example: in the opening animated exposition sequence, it’s said that (roughly), “the vampires were defeated and over the years the priests faded into obscurity.”  So why, then, does everybody seem to know who they are?  Also, about said opening animation- it’s really (really) awesome, but since it’s animation it can do things no live-action sequence ever could, so as insane as the action gets later on, it can’t ever hope to live up to the wicked bloodbath that we see right there at the start of the movie.  They do give it an impressive go, though.  Also, there’s a bit of repetition going on that borders on monotonous- fight sequence, discussion on what Priest will do if Lucy has been “infected” and how Hicks won’t let him, fight sequence, more discussion on what Priest will do if Lucy is infected and how Hicks won’t let him, etc., etc.  It’s just a little unrealistic to me that these guys travel hours and hours (days, really) to several locations and discuss these things, but by ¾ into the film they seem to be starting the same discussion over and over again, as if it’s the first time.  And that Hicks guy is a little bit of a puffed out whiner.  Or wiener.  Whichever.  One last thing that bugged me- the vampires.  Again, cool that they’re creatures and not girly-men, but portraying them as hordes of mindless brutes has the effect of making them slightly less of a threat.  Their “familiars”, men who allow themselves to be infected without actually becoming vamps, were much more dynamic and creepy than the actual vampires.  And having Urban’s “smart” vampire in there only punctuates the fact.  But they’ve certainly laid the groundwork for a sequel, so these things could easily be rectified in the future by expanding the mythology.

So, I have a dilemma here.  Did I like Priest as much as I did because it’s really a great movie, or do I like it so much because after Legion I was expecting another wet toot in the boxers?  I’m not sure.  I looked at what I’ve given everything else so far this year, and as far as how much I liked it, I’d say it falls between The Rite (my top “6 out of 10”) and Paul (my bottom “7 out of 10”).  On my scale, a 6 is “Good” and a 7 is “Great”.  And I don’t do ½’s.  So, until I see it again and decide it’s actually “Great”, I think I’ll consider it “Really Good, With Potential” and give it a

6 out of 10 (temporary) Facial Tattoos

By Odin’s Beard!

From big old question mark to the best of the “Marvel Movie Universe” movies (so far…) in one fell swoop!  Kenneth Branaugh pulled off a Herculean feat by turning what is essentially a Marvel “bridge movie” and prequel to The Avengers into something that stands gloriously on its own.  I couldn’t be happier.