“The First Thing We Do, Let’s Kill All The Editors.” -William Shakespeare

…and here we are again. Did I say I wasn’t going to watch this? Yes. Yes, I did. Should have listened to myself.

Even more obviously disjointed by a PG-13 edit than its predecessor was, The Scargiver (oof) trades frenetic galaxy-hopping for… um, well… farming. Literally staying in one location and farming. Oh, but I guess we get some other sci-fi locations too because there’s also some navel-gaze-y origin-storying that mirrors (read: thematically retreads) their all-too-similar “recruitment” scenes from Part 1. Because trusting these characters, assembled into this team like it’s a vintage Nintendo RPG in the late 80s, to remain interesting, or distinguishable from each other, is something the filmmakers clearly didn’t believe possible. 

But they were wrong- that one has laser whips and the other has long hair. And uh… Djimon Honsou is one. Aaaand… there was the other one too. Right? I think there were four. Plus Sofia Boutella. So five. Oh, and her boyfriend. Does he count? I’m sure I’m forgetting someone. Trying to remember by picturing which one(s) acted as sort of watered-down deus ex machina(s) for the first two waves of the final battle before the other two actual deus ex machinas showed up for the other two waves.

Nope. Can’t do it. But seriously, there were multiple deus ex machinas. And the final one was truly a “who the frak are THESE people?” one because I had almost completely forgotten about the events of the first movie. Because it was pretty forgettable.

HOWEVER (yes, Virginia, there is a “however”), I now fully plan on seeing the “Hard R” Snyder Cut of these when they’re available. For me, the latter half of Zack Snyder’s filmography has sort of been all over the place, quality-wise (often even within the same movie), but one thing they haven’t been is incoherent. This movie very specifically feels like a thing that is clinging, tooth and nail, to any speck of coherency every chance it gets, but is hobbled by this need (whose need was it, Netflix?) to cut it down to a 2 hour, PG-13, Cliff’s Notes vehicle. Characters that obviously were intended to have a deeper relationship with each other, justifying an earnest emotional reaction to one’s death, seem more like acquaintences in this version, which makes that same death scene reaction just… silly. The aforementioned final deus ex machina may have had its desired effect if the sequence’s surprise saviors had even been mentioned in any significant way since the first movie. And once again, Jimmy The Robot is CLEARLY supposed to be a presence we should care about, not just a random realistic special effect voiced by Anthony Hopkins. 

So, yeah- bring on the longer cuts. I’m beyond curious to see what Rebel Moon 1 & 2 were intended to be. I mean, there’s absolutely NOT a world where these things can be even remotely as good as the LOTR Extended Cuts (mostly because the Theatrical cuts of those were already great), but if I can get something as surprisingly fun and competent as Zack Snyder’s Justice League, I’ll be a happy moviegoer.

Oh, boy. I’m setting myself up for disappointment, for sure.


Ordinary Evil

Imagine Schindler’s List without the thin thread of hope. Imagine a Wes Anderson movie, visually, but replace the storybook whimsy with cold reality. Imagine the tale of a family “living the dream” while ash-spewing genocide is playing out, quite literally, in their backyard.  

This was a tough one, folks. A soul-crushing peek into the trials and tribulations of an SS officer, his darling wife, their newborn and two rambunctious boys, and the casual flippancy of living their privileged life with the Auschwitz concentration camp right on the other side of their barbed garden wall. There’s rarely a ten second span where you don’t hear the distant pop of a pistol, or some shouting, or the latter punctuated with the former. The night sky is tinged red with the light of furnace fires refracting through billowing smoke.  The gorgeous, picturesque landscape is blemished by a massive chimney as a constant reminder- thousands are being murdered and unceremoniously disposed of, and the engineers are always looking for a more efficient way to get it done. But it’s OK- you can still take your family out for a nice picnic and a relaxing dip in the river.

The Zone Of Interest is a brilliant bit of subversion that repeatedly reels you in with its subtlety, then knuckles you, hard, with its blatancy. I highly recommend it.  You will not have a good time.


Mmmm… Manburger…

Halloween (2018)

Halloween Kills (2021)

Halloween Ends (2022): I never go into a movie wanting it to fail.  What would be the point of that?  I mean, besides the obvious- if you go in with an agenda it makes it easier to come up with funny quips about the thing as you watch it, so that you can sit down and be oh-so-clever when you write your 10¢ review on your blog that nobody reads.  But I like to believe that I’ve (mostly) left that kind of thing behind, because it’s fucking lazy.  I leave that shit to the bitter, frustrated failed actors who review live theater.

Er… yeah, not the time or place for that, Bri.  OK, you’re right- thanks, Bri.

So, where was I?

Halloween Ends.  So, yeah… OK.  To recap, I thought Halloween 2018 was a flawed, yet passable, um, “sequel” (I use the term loosely) to the 1978 film.  Halloween Kills was a fucking mess that tried to mine veins from Halloween 1978 that simply didn’t have any precious metals to give, as an attempt to add gravitas to a movie that is essentially a Terminator fan film, except Michael Myers.

And so… Halloween Ends. Boy did I mostly dislike this thing as it unfolded before me.  Lots of head shaking, lots of out-loud “oh my god”s, lots of sighs.  But then I spent some time thinking about it and came around… a little.  See, there’s a really good movie with some killer concepts (no pun intended) in there somewhere.  Too bad it got hobbled by bad decisions.

So, Corey Cunningham is a young dude with a bright future ahead of him.  But on a babysitting job the night Michael Myers goes all Jason Voorhees on an entire town, a kid dies on his watch, accidentally, and as a result, a new, interesting protagonist is born.  Or should have been.  Because by the end of the movie none of this matters.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.

You see, this town has gone bad.  Michael Myers cut a swath through it four years ago and then up and disappeared, and now everyone who rampaged around looking for him have nowhere to point their fear and anger, so why not just hate on the guy who didn’t actually kill that awful little brat from the opening scene?  OK, I’m in- that’s starting to take the lump of uninteresting clay that was Halloween Kills and shape it into something worthwhile.  So what’s next?  Oh… OK, Laurie Strode is still here… and we saw how she spent 40 years becoming a badass Michael Myers killer… although that clearly didn’t go 100% her way after Halloween 2018, so, even though it’s not the most interesting idea, I guess we’ll get Round Two of that?  What?   She’s done with all that and is now just living her life, carefree?  Um… OK?  Buuuuut… why HERE?  This town hates her.  The sister of the woman who got a fluorescent bulb through the throat last time around sure did let her know that (and, once again, we get a step towards social commentary with a “you provoked that man” victim-blaming thing… which then gets abandoned.  COME ON, YOU GUYS, YOU WERE SO CLOSE.  Sorry), so why wouldn’t you move somewhere else?  Because, also, that dude who has wanted to kill you for 40 years is still out there.  If you have no interest in that anymore, what are your actual ties to this town?  Your granddaughter, I guess?  OK, sure.  And now she’s dating that guy who didn’t kill that kid… oh.  Getting ahead of myself again.

Corey Cunningham gets thrown off a bridge by a mean little high school jerk.  But he’s OK- nothing broken.  And hey, there’s a sewer drain down here.  Wonder what’s in there?  Oh.  Michael Myers is in there.  Living off of rats and stuff for four years, one presumes.  But you should probably stay away from him because he’s dangero…. oh, OK, I guess you should go in there and have an awkward slap-fight wrestling match with him.  Then maybe gaze into his eyes a bit.  And… merge souls?   Something like that?  

So now we have a budding young murder machine to take on the mantle of the Shape.  And hey, for continuity’s sake, he’s a mechanic, so he already has the outfit (convenient!).  He’s feeling good about himself, trading in his bike for a motorcycle, hanging with his new pal Michael, dating Laurie’s granddaughter, murdering some local assholes…

It’s at this point where I say to myself, “Self?  It’s ill-paced and awkwardly presented, but I think I’m starting to see a compelling, original direction for this thing and I think I’m invested.”

But then Michael Myers shows back up at the Strode house, Corey Cunningham stabs himself in the throat and dies, Laurie throws a refrigerator at Michael, kills him, and the whole town shows up to watch him get ground up like a manburger in a metal-crushing machine.  The end.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

Why did you do all that new stuff if you were just going to go back to the well?  And in such an uninteresting manner?  You truly had something there with Corey Cunningham.  Sure, you wanted to end your trilogy, but could you not have left it open-ended?  You did the one thing you set out to do- Michael Myers is dead and gone, Finally, with a capital F.  Why not at least leave us with a new boogeyman, out there in the shadows somewhere?  These movies claim to be the true successors to the original film, and yet they miss that simple goddamn point at every turn.

I could get more specific here.  I could go over things throughout the movie that bugged me in greater detail (oh, hey, there’s Will Patton… oh, ok, bye, Will Patton).  I could also go on some more about the things that were really good (oooh, a new creepy mask for a new creepy murderer!).  But I won’t.  I can’t.  It’s a waste of my time and yours.  The last 15 minutes of this thing render its existence moot.  They render the entire misguided trilogy moot.  The experiment has failed.  Time to move on.

Anyway, that’s my 10¢ review.  But I just want to say that I don’t think David Gordon Green is an untalented guy- I see the artist amongst the questionable decisions here.  Truly.  Hopefully his next endeavor is something original so he can focus his talents on something he…oh.  He’s reboot-sequelling The Exorcist

Never mind.


The Artist Formerly Known As The Shape

Hey, read this Halloween 2018 thing first!

Halloween Kills (2021): I wanted very badly for everyone who dunked on this movie to be wrong.  I wanted a sequel to Halloween 2018 that justified that film’s somewhat awkward existence by moving the story forward in an insightful and original way while still scaring me.  Finally, I wanted it to make me hungry for the planned third film.

I got literally none of that.

What I did get was an unbelievably misguided and unnecessary fan-service attempt in the form of grown-up versions of the two Haddonfield, IL kids we remember from Halloween 1978 and then also a third one who was basically a glorified extra in that film.  Oh, right, and the nurse whose hair Michael Myers touched for like a second and a half while escaping the asylum.  Which was 150 miles away from Haddonfield, so… why is she here?  Oh, right.  Fan-service.  Because Halloween 1978 is a movie that requires fan service, apparently.

What I also got was the continued de-scary-ifying of the OG scary masked murderer that kicked off literal decades of genre filmmaking.  You know what’s scary?  A silent guy in a white mask just standing there, slightly out of focus, in the background, that when you turn around, isn’t there anymore.  You know what isn’t scary?  That same guy, front-and-center, mass murdering packs of civilians all at once while getting shot and stabbed, multiple times, and surviving, AGAIN.  One needle sticking out of a pincushion looks like art.  Multiple needles sticking out of a pincushion looks like it’s its job.

And it makes our antagonist look like Jason Voorhees, not Michael Myers.

Which was what I thought they were trying to avoid with these Halloween Timeline 2.0 films.  But, as it stands now, it’s looking like they’re just remaking the sequels they were trying to erase, but fancier.

I don’t know what else to say.  Yeah, they tried to do a statement-y thing with adult Tommy Doyle riling up a local mob to find and kill Myers that gets way out of hand… which would have been interesting if it wasn’t so half-baked and repetitive (and yeah, they storm a government building, so something something Capitol riot something, or whatever I’m supposed to say to make it seem like prescient filmmaking, or whatever).  They force feed you, again, the quite literally unprejudiced murder selection of Michael.  But this time it’s by showing you that no one is safe, regardless of race, age, gender, sexual orientation, or, you know, general disposition.  And they blatantly force what will likely be the climax of this planned trilogy by having Will Patton’s character, somehow surviving a stab wound to the jugular in the last film, and Jamie Lee, stabbed in the gut, in a hospital room together, on dual navel-gazing duty about who’s more to blame for this predicament.  Because I guess if you’re a “good guy” who’s just as focused and driven as an evil murder machine, you too can be a pincushion and survive like it’s your job.

I dunno.  I’m trying not to be a grump here, but I have always been of the mind that OG Halloween was a movie that had a perfect ending and should never have gotten a sequel.  But if you absolutely HAVE to do it, you’ve got to come up with something as rich in originality, subtext and self-confidence as it had.  I’m not against flashy, loud, violence-envelope-pushing filmmaking, but if doubling-down on the brutality means hobbling the scary, then maybe hedge your bets on the former a bit and focus more on the latter.  And hey, maybe somehow Halloween Ends will bring it all into focus in such a way that I’ll come back and eat some serious crow about all of this.

You know, just like Revenge Of The Sith did for the prequel tril…

…oh, never mind.

Make Michael Myers Scary Again (#mmmsa).


Dorsal Fin 2

I finally did it. After decades of active avoidance, I watched Jaws 2. The one that everyone damns with the faint praise, “it’s actually not that bad”- an open-ended phrase usually reserved for something like a broken pinky toe that keeps getting more painfully puffy and purple, or, like, that one Nickelback song. You know, that one that you heard on the radio. That one.

So, a few years after our merry dysfunctional trio of Brody, Hooper, and Quint (oh my!) got over their petty differences to defeat a dog-and-child eating rogue Great White, another one shows up. Because it’s the ocean. But the mayor and smahhmy town council membahs are all like, “yeah, no. Definitely not a recurrence of the kind of thing that we dealt with that one time, no matter how obvious the signs.” You know, like some of the US’s state governors and the Covid Delta variant.

But I digress.

So Brody calls in an expert that is absolutely NOT a condensed, one-scene rewrite of Richard Dreyfuss’ character (#sarcasm) and loses his job because he cares about people. Then he electrocutes a shark with an underwater foreshadowing line that he found in the first act. Oh, sorry- I meant power. Power line.

You’d think a film sequel that involves the continuation of blind capitalism as a cynical rebuttal to small town neighborly love in the wake of a shared community tragedy would be just the ticket for a follow-up to one of the greatest films of all time. And you’d be right! Jaws 2 deftly walks the line betwee…

Nah, just kidding. They just awkwardly and sleepily rehash the same stuff from the first film, from a shark watch on the beach gone awry to a corpse jump scare to returning tertiary character-actor grumpy locals. Brody’s son is in danger again. Mayor Vaughn thinks he’s overreacting again. Lorraine Gary asks Roy Scheider if he “wants to fool around” again. And you’d better believe there’s a measuring of bite radii.

Here’s the thing, though- people are right. It’s actually not that bad. Which is to say it’s entirely forgettable. From the aforementioned callbacks, to the lack of any subtext whatsoever, to music that, to this viewer, sounds like they said, “hey, John Williams, write another Jaws score and send it to us. We’ll round hole that square peg, no problem,” Jaws 2 is just… there. It exists. It’s a background noise option on a Saturday afternoon when you’re maybe a little high and cleaning your living room. Which is to say there’s not much about Jaws 2 that’s engaging enough to distract you from your Swiffering duties. I suppose you might pause to watch the shark eat the helicopter, but other than that, you’re golden. So, yeah, go ahead and throw it on, stoner Jim.

It’s actually not that bad.


MCU Rewatch: Phase One, Part 2

marvel1

Yeah… it’s taken me five months to continue this thing.  SO?

Anyway, click HERE for Part 1.

THOR

thory

“I’m a Pepper, he’s a Pepper, she’s a Pepper, we’re a Pepper, wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper, too?”

William Shakespeare Jake Holmes

Fun drinking game: any time you see or hear product placement in Thor, take a swig.  Actually, don’t.  Once the narrative moves from Asgard to New Mexico you’ll be wasted in five minutes.  Let’s change the game.  Every time you notice Chris Hemsworth’s bleached eyebrows and facial hair…

Anyway, all drinking games aside, Thor is a pretty great movie.

Front loaded?  Oh, you better believe it.  But that front is full of really fun, colorful stuff.  And with Kenneth Branagh directing, we get some Shakespearean drama and themes injected into the proceedings- a throne succession gone sour, a scheming bastard son, an exile into the “wilderness,” a shoehorned-in Hawkeye/S.H.I.E.L.D. presence…

…sorry. I kid, I kid.  Shakespeare didn’t awkwardly introduce and insert a new S.H.I.E.L.D. character into his works at the behest of his movie studio.

That was Ben Jonson.

Anyway…

Is it possible to chew scenery and remain subtle as you do it?  Because I’m pretty sure that’s what we got from Sir Anthony Hopkins here.  His overflowing pride in his #1 son at the beginning of this movie as he declares for all of Asgard his intention to name him his successor, juxtaposed with his utter disappointment and frustration with him a few scenes later when Thor, in a fit of petulant childish rage, demands they take immediate action against a long-dormant enemy that may or may not have been involved in a bit of capital theft is a masterclass in how to try (and, ultimately, fail) to compartmentalize your emotions.  And Hopkins is bringing this A-Game to a comic book movie, for chrissake.  He’s just that good.

Oh, and the bit in the aforementioned latter scene where he cuts Loki off with a quick growl and a clenched fist is this movie’s Obadiah Stane/Scientist-Guy moment.  So awesome.

Anyway, Thor attacks some frost giants with the aid of his Howling Commandos Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, gets exiled to Earth for it, loses his powers, befriends some normals, can’t get it up lift his hammer until he’s deemed worthy again, falls in love, gets over himself, puts his life on the line for others, gets his power back, learns a valuable life lesson, goes home.  You know, the usual.  Just like Hamlet.  Not really.

The stuff in New Mexico is definitely not as exciting, or eye-pleasing as everything that came before, but that’s to be expected.  I’m sure it was on purpose that they traded in the colorful, fantastical world of Asgard for its exact opposite- a sparsely populated McTown in the middle of a bland desert.  And as a contrast it totally works.  A little too well, actually- every time I watch Thor I find myself tuning out a bit during the second act in anticipation of the Asgardians returning home for the final scenes.  After their not-so-exciting battle with a giant space robot, that is.

Really, though, I’m glad this movie exists because it lets you see how far Thor has grown as a character (and how far Hemsworth has come as an actor) in the 8 years (and… 6 Marvel movies?) since it was released.  Good stuff.

odin————————————————————————————

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER

Cap1

“Show lots of things happening at once/Remind everyone what’s going on/And with every shot show a little improvement/To show it all would take too long.”

-Trey Parker

I used to have an issue with this movie when it came to the stuff with Cap and his newly-formed Warriors Three Howling Commandos going on missions and how it was reduced to a montage instead of full-on adventure scenes.  And while it would have been totally awesome to have seen those things happen in real-time, I eventually came to the realization that it would have been disastrous to the film’s flow.  And also that, structurally, it exists as a “true war hero” juxtaposition to the previous, “war bond shill” montage.  Furthermore, Captain America might just have the most concise structure of any film in the MCU- a modern-day prologue, a first act that showcases his origin story, a montage that acts as a bridge to Act II, a second act where Cap shows the world the hero he was meant to be, a montage that acts as a bridge to the third act, said third act where everything comes to a head and Cap sacrifices himself, and finally, a modern-day epilogue.  I’m not sure any of the movies that came after can boast such a solid narrative structure (as of this writing I’m up to Doctor Strange in this rewatch, and that statement, at this juncture, stands).

I’d like to single out Hugo Weaving’s performance here.  I know Josh Brolin gets a lot of positive recognition for his portrayal of ultimate bad guy Thanos, and he’s absolutely worthy of it, but I think Weaving’s Red Skull is still my favorite.  It’s certainly a simpler character- a psychotic megalomaniac of almost operatic proportions whose big plan is to destroy big cities with big explosions.  But there’s a nice Silver Age comic book purity in that, which, of course, fits right in with this movie’s period piece aesthetic charm.  And as, essentially, a funhouse mirror-image to Chris Evans’ wholesome, do-right soldier boy, there’s a very clear (and refreshingly non-convoluted) dark vs. light struggle on display.   I remain a little sad that Weaving decided way back when that he was absolutely done with this character, but would the Red Skull really have any place in a modern-day Marvel film?  I mean, beyond what we’ve already seen of his fate?  I think not.  Captain America’s biggest hurdle, post-Captain America has always been his inability to truly integrate himself into modern day sensibilities, and while that would probably be easier to deal with, thematically, when it comes to an insane, noseless, red-skinned, hyper-intelligent superhuman, I think devoting any real screen time to Red Skull’s modern problems would likely belie what we’ve already seen of him and cheapen the character.

Also, side note- how the heck did Tommy Lee Jones end up in this flick?  Whatever.  I’ll take it.  “A divine gift should never be questioned, merely accepted,” I guess.  He’s full-on The Fugitive TLJ here, and that scene where he eats Toby Jones’ steak is perfection.

Oh, and that Chris Evans guy is pretty good too, I guess.

Seriously, though, Marvel Pictures must have cast some voodoo magic ten years ago, because to get someone as perfect as RDJ was for Tony Stark to play Steve Rogers seems almost impossible.  And I remember being a little on the fence about it back then, mostly because the memory of Evans in two shitty Fantastic Four movies (not his fault- I always said he was the best thing about them) was still fresh in my mind.  And remember when John Krasinski’s name was being thrown around the internet as a possibility?  I think I may have been on-board with that back then, for some odd reason, which made Evans seem like a strange choice.  But then I saw the movie.

Anyway, Captain America is a standout. And it has aged amazingly well.  It’s one of those MCU flicks that I’ll just throw on randomly when I’m in the mood for a little familiarity mixed with simplicity wrapped in a satisfyingly thrilling sci-fi package.

tlj

————————————————————————————

THE AVENGERS

Av1

“Hey you, don’t tell me there’s no hope at all/Together we stand, divided we fall.”

-Roger Waters

Note, 4/3/23: This was written before the seriously uncomfortable stories about Joss Whedon surfaced.  I feel it necessary to state that here.  And while I still believe the guy’s super-talented, it seems pretty likely he’s also a massive douche.  Anyway…

I’m not sure I can pinpoint a favorite in these (at the time of this writing) twenty three films, mostly because tastes change all the time and rewatching often reveals both nuances and overarching themes that one might miss upon the first… five or six or ten viewings of a particular movie (see Captain America, above), but for the longest time The Avengers was definitely that for me.  I’ve certainly seen it the most out of all of these films, having thrown it on many times over the past decade on a random Saturday, and were it not for The Cabin In The Woods (Joss Whedon’s other film released that year, as producer & co-writer), it would have absolutely been my favorite of 2012.  There’s so much positivity and smarts on display here that I feel an absolute childlike glee through most of The Avengers, but especially, of course, in that famous arc shot of our heroes forming up, for the first time as a complete team, on the Park Avenue Viaduct, suited up and ready to kick arse, while Alan Silvestri’s amazing brass section swells around them…

Man.  It literally takes my breath away every time.  And that’s not hyperbole.

And that’s all Whedon, baby.  I know it has become supercool to trash the guy lately (mostly because, as a society, we’re not allowed to have nice things for too long before we get tired of them and turn all contrarian, or whatever, because, socially, we really suck these days. But I digress…), moving forward in the MCU, everything having to do with interpersonal relationships between these characters (as well as new ones introduced in the future), starts HERE.  This is the aesthetic that defines the MCU, patched together by Joss Whedon.  Because, as was evident in stuff like Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Firefly, he knows how humans work, and giving these heroes dialogue that essentially dials them back from superbeings to flawed everypersons is why we can relate to them at all when they’re off together punching aliens in the face, or whatever.  The relationships between these characters are so very different, and the movie is richer for it- Tony Stark’s intellectual brothers-in-science interactions with Bruce Banner are wildly different from his jealous daddy-issue jabs at Steve Rogers, who, in turn, immediately treats Banner as a friend and ally, but greets Stark with the same mistrust as he did his equally flashy father seventy years prior.  Sort of like a bromance triangle, I guess.  Speaking of which, I think it’s clear that Taika Waititi thoroughly mined his Ragnarok Thor/Hulk bromance from this vein.  And that’s all Whedon.

But, you know, cheapen what the guy did for this cinematic universe by being a mouthy edgelord, if you want.  I’m sure that half-assed holy grail called the Justice League Snyder Cut that you’ll never see will totally redeem that film.

Oof.  Sorry.  Basically, I hate people.

Anyway, before I get labelled a Joss Whedon fanboy (actually, go ahead, I don’t really care), I do have to point out that this movie does have its flaws, most notably the awkward, overlong, needlessly convoluted pre-title card sequence.  I mean, we get a lot of exposition in there and it’s SO CLUNKY. Within minutes we’re introduced (and re-introduced) to so many plot elements that we barely have time to register what’s happening before the movie comes (literally) crashing down around us.  I remember when I saw this on opening day.  It went something like this: In an underground science lab a big blue cube from the last movie is channeling energy at some space portal thing that suddenly vomits out that Lord Of The Rings-looking dude from two movies ago who takes over the mind of some Robin Hood guy we only truly just met (not counting his one or two lines spoken in silhouette from that same two-movies-ago movie), and therefore aren’t invested in AT ALL, murders several redshirts, then takes off in the back of a Jeep with the aid of Bow And Arrow Guy and Scientist Man from two movies ago, pursued by new, Important Kickass Lady Character, along with Eyepatch Guy and Mild Mannered G-Man, both of whom we only know from a couple of awkward cameos and post-credits sequences peppered throughout the preceding five movies.  A helicopter crashes, an underground facility caves in, an audience scratches its head and blinks a few times…

Cut to title card.

Yes, I’m being flippant, and yes, I knew all of these characters, situations, and MacGuffins well enough to follow, but I always try to put myself in the shoes of someone less… nerdy?  And even knowing all that was going on, that first viewing of the opening was so tonally and pacing… ly (?) confusing that I actually feared, for a moment, that the next two hours would be just as off-putting and I’d end up pretty disappointed.

Obviously that didn’t happen.  I was thrilled, and my numbed and dazed fellow moviegoers snapped out of it pretty quickly.

I think that’s ‘nuff said here about The Avengers.  There’s a hell of a lot to examine in this film, but as far as these rewatch scribblings go, I think I’m good.  See you… soon?

Av2


MCU Rewatch: Phase One, Part 1

Captain-Marvel-Stan-Lee-TributeOh, hey there.  I’m rewatching the MCU movies.  Again.  Gonna throw some stuff up here as I go.  No real structure involved, certainly not any attempts at traditional reviews…  I mean, does the world need another real review of Iron Man eleven years after it first repulsor-beamed everyone’s faces off?  No.  Just some thoughts and impressions.  We’ve all seen these movies.

I am fully up to date with the releases, having seen Spider-Man: Come From Away Far From Home last week, so yeah- there might be some discussion of the latter flicks here and there, but I’mma try to keep it self-contained to each of the movies.  As best I can.  No promises.

IRON MAN

Iron

“Heavy boots of lead/Somethingsomethingsomething that rhymes with ‘lead.'”

-John “Ozzy” Osbourne

Still great after all these years.  Marvel took a chance on a superhero story not about a down-on-his-luck good guy who finally gets the chance to shine, but on an entitled jerkwad who is forced to take a long, hard look in the mirror and reap all the chaos his drunken ignorance has helped to sow.  Watching this again after Avengers: Endgame was a complete delight in that it was somehow even more thrilling, intriguing, and inspirational than the first time.  Bravo, Marvel- you totally win.

And the funny thing is that the action sequences aren’t even the most exciting parts of the film.  Instead it’s the scenes of Tony Stark sitting around inventing things in his garage that keep me glued to the screen.  This is, of course, in no small part due to the perfect casting of Robert Downey Jr. in the role (maybe even forcing a meta-narrative that mirrors the actor’s own life and career).  RDJ kills it in every scene.  And the supporting cast is pitch-perfect in their chemistry with him (I’m especially looking at you, Gwyneth, you talented kook).

Speaking of the supporting cast, I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge how good Jeff Bridges is as Obadiah Stane.  Even having seen this movie so many times (so many) I find myself understanding his frustration when Tony makes it home and decides to make the fundamental “no more weapons” change in company policy.  After all, Stane has a business to run, employees to pay, and the press to deal with.  And he does so with such an unflappable, calm confidence that I want to keep rooting for the guy.  But then, of course, we get the reveal of his true intentions in the scene where Stane visits the leader of the Ten Rings, still holding on to that cool countenance as he paralyzes him and orders his men to be murdered.  Seriously, get this villain a Bond movie, stat!  There’s a scene later on, though, that contains my favorite JB moment here.  It’s a quick bit where he berates his head scientist* for failing to build a version of Tony’s mini arc reactor.  Stane becomes quite the physically imposing figure as he literally corners the smaller, meek man with an accusatory finger and a raised voice that effectively shows the first cracks in his consistently collected demeanor.  It’s startling and more than a little bit menacing.  A very “whoa, what’s wrong with dad?”-type moment.  Very un-Dude.

Unfortunately for Bridges, the movie has gotten a little long in the tooth, runtime-wise, at this point, so shit gets wrapped up REALLY quickly after this bit with lots of punches, explosions, and Stane devolving into a madman who spouts angry lines like a Bad Guy with a capital BG.  It’s not a horrible action finale, in fact it’s quite good at showing Stark’s “brains-over-brawn, protect the innocent” approach to winning this thing, but it is definitely a left turn after Iron Man’s carefully curated first and second acts.

But, hey, considering it was 2008 and this Uncertain Grand Experiment by Marvel was just crawling out of the primordial cinematic ooze, I’d say they pretty much knocked it out of the park.

Jesus Christ, Costello.  Make Mine Mixed Metaphors.

Stane

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THE INCREDIBLE HULK

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“There’s a place in the world for the angry young man…”

-William Martin Joel

I love how stripped down this movie is. Quick, and to the point. Thank god most of those improvved Ed Norton/Liv Tyler scenes (they’re collected on the Blu) were cut before its release. The last thing we need is more forced, awkward ennui in a movie about a meek nerd who turns into a giant green monster every time he stubs his toe, or whatever.

Leterrier’s use of color theory here is particularly great.  Red, the opposite of green, seems to be a protective color.  There’s quite a bit of it on display in the Brazil sequences, most notably in Banner’s hoodie.  When he runs from Ross and his commandos he’s wearing it, which I think, subconsciously, we’re supposed to take as his way of containing the monster within.  But he eventually makes his way into the factory which, from the bottles of soda to the lockers to the walls, is just too green for comfort.  And when he’s caught it’s a guy wearing stark yellow and another wearing rich blue that hold him down as his “bully” punches him past the point of no return.  Because yellow and blue… well, you get it.  By the end of the second act Bruce is seen in more blue hues, as if he’s moving closer to accepting what he is.  Then, at the end, in the final shot of Banner, when he has come to terms with his situation and seeks to control rather than repress the monster within- green shirt, green pants.

I dunno.  Maybe that’s all a bit of a stretch on my part.  But I notice the colors every time.

Also, I still maintain that the aforementioned Brazil action sequence, culminating in the first appearance of the Hulk, is the best of the entire MCU run.  Yes, there have been bigger, more choreographed moments since then with multiple heroes, waves of villains, massive setpieces, etc… but there is a real confluence of cinematic technique on display here, from cinematography to editing to acting, to location, to screenwriting, mostly without the use of CG (beyond the title character, of course) that is so satisfying to watch.  It’s been built up so well throughout the previous scenes (that heart-rate monitoring wristband MacGuffin is a complete stroke of genius) that from the moment Banner senses Ross and his men have arrived to the moment he’s forced to Hulk out we get a real white-knuckler of an exponentially fast-paced, from-bad-to-worse thrill ride of a chase sequence that is easy to follow, yet complex enough to not feel predictable.  And, of course, the cherry on top is the ensuing Batman-esque first “appearance” of the Hulk, stalking the stalkers from the shadows and taking them all out as if they were just toys.

You know, I’ll be sure and pay attention to this moving forward, but, for now, I’ll just go ahead and call the first 30 minutes of The Incredible Hulk the most satisfying first act in all of the MCU.

The rest of the movie?  It’s… fine.  Sort of boilerplate, narrative-wise.  Guy goes back to girl, because true love, seeks help from a questionable source, because science, is forced into violence again, because military.  The Blonsky/Ross stuff is really good, thanks mostly to it being a Roth/Hurt joint.  One moment always stands out- Blonsky’s first foray into being a super-soldier guinea pig.  The sound design and his face-acting culminate in a squirmer of a moment when a giant needle that we (and he) don’t see enters his spine… and then cracks through something else… and UGH my fingers are literally curling up just thinking about it.

The final fight sequence in Harlem is a jumbled mess of punching, explosions, and car crashes.  Much like Iron Man’s final fight.  I feel like it’s a general issue with these early movies- great pacing and character development over the first 90 minutes (give or take), then lots of BAM! POW! SMASH!  It probably happens beyond Phase One, too.  I’ll keep an eye out.

blonsky2

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IRON MAN 2

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“It takes a lot to make a stew/Especially when it’s me and you/And him and Steve from corporate, too/Too many cooks, it’s true.”

-Casper Kelly

This movie is maybe the most unfairly maligned of the entire series.  Is it a bottom-tier MCU flick?  Sure.  But bad?  No way, José.

The biggest problem is there’s just so much happening here.  Too much.  Taken separately, all of it’s pretty great- the government trying to get its hands on the Iron Man tech, Tony relapsing into his old, a-hole self in the wake of his new health issues, Tony trying to figure out the tech solution for said issues, Pepper Potts transitioning to CEO, Rhodey trying to balance his personal and military life as Tony’s best friend, Justin Hammer as the bumbling anti-Tony, Ivan Vanko as a sort of “sins of the father” threat.  And I think Favreau did a pretty good job of weaving all of these threads into a cohesive tapestry… but then came the S.H.I.E.L.D. that broke the camel’s back- namely the Black Widow/Nick Fury thing.  Of all the plot threads going on here, the S.H.I.E.L.D. stuff is, by a wide margin, the most superfluous.  It adds nothing to the story at hand, existing solely to set up a future hero team-up.  But it’s a Catch-22- weaving that stuff into IM2 complicates an already complicated narrative, but to leave it out might have made the meta narrative of the MCU in its ramp-up to The Avengers suffer.  I don’t know at what point S.H.I.E.L.D was threaded into the story, but it at least feels like a late-stage screenplay addition.  It’s an issue that the MCU seems to have mostly smoothed out in the ensuing movies, thankfully (although it pops up again, in varying degrees.  Both Thor and Age Of Ultron come to mind), and as far as its presence here is concerned, I’ll just chalk it up to Marvel Studios fumbling the kickoff return, but still recovering the ball.

Just watch it again, and when you’re done- imagine Iron Man 2 without a major S.H.I.E.L.D. presence.  Some pretty basic script doctoring could close the minor holes created by removing Romanoff and Fury.  And less scenes with them would at least make Vanko’s presence feel more important.

Speaking of Vanko, Mickey Rourke deserves more love for this portrayal.  Yeah, he’s mostly sidelined due to the aforementioned multi-narrative issues, but when we do get him on screen it’s great.  Wait, does he die at the end, or is he just knocked out? Honestly, I can’t remember.  Even though I just watched it yesterday.  Must have been that whole WHACK! SMASH! POW! final action sequence thing again.  I’m still holding out hope that we’ll see the return of some characters from the days of yesterMarvel**, like Vanko, Blonsky/Abomination (Ablonskination?), Samuel Sterns, Ten Rings guy… and maybe Justin Hammer?  He’d be the least likely, I guess, but man, that scene when he first meets Vanko, and he’s trying so hard to be as cool as Stark by having ice cream flown in from San Fran and caking on the self-tanning cream so thick that his fingers are all browned and gross is really hilarious.  Sam Rockwell is a genius.

Anyway, I digress.  Lots to love here, so if you’re in the “Iron Man 2 is bad” camp, give it another go.  Just don’t expect Shakespeare.  That’s Thor’s job…

Anyway, I’ll be back.  Gimme a couple of weeks.

Rockwell

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*And now, in the wake of Spider-Man: Far From Home, I guess I wasn’t the only one who loved this scene. Also, that scientist was Peter Billingsley?!? How the frak did I not know that for 11 years?

**…and does the return of Billingsley in Far From Home bolster this hope of mine?  I mean, that’s a two-scene character brought back in a relatively major way.


Game Of Thrones Season 8 Musings

So here we are. Days away from the start of the final season of this worldwide cultural phenomenon. Here are the few questions rattling around in my noggin:

Will Jaime kill Cersei? By poison? Will it be a murder/suicide?

Will whoever is tasked with passing on the Jon Snow/Daenerys info to them (Sam? Tyrion?) sit on that info for the good of the realm?

Will Tyrion end up being a Targaryen? Is it too late and are there too few episodes left for the show to officially introduce that as a storyline?

Will Arya confront The Mountain? Will The Hound? Will they do it together? Will one die saving the other from “death by Mountain?”

Will we see White Walker Hodor? (Please, no.)

Did Tormund survive that attack (he did), and will Brienne finally see him for the loving, poetic, wild soul that he truly is? (She will.)

Will Jaime have a redemption scene with Bran all these years later?

Will Bran warg into the undead Viserion and save the day?

Will Daario and the Second Sons save the day?

Will Luke Skywalker appear as a force ghost to Rey to continue her training or to Kylo Ren as a Marley’s Ghost-type instrument of redemption?

Will Davos Seaworth continue to be the greatest character in all of filmed fantasy history? Will the title of “Hand Of The Greatest Character In All Of Filmed Fantasy History” be given to Jorah Mormont?

Will Theon Greyjoy do anything that we’ll even remotely care about? Ever?

Will this season be devoid of all boobs, butts, and wieners since it’s all about war now and it’s almost all over and like a billion people are already caught up anyway and therefore the show doesn’t really need the publicity?

Will Gendry sit on the Iron Throne?

Will there even be an Iron Throne? Will we end up with a Westeros Democracy? Will its new president get voted in on a technicality with some sneaky help from Essos spies and then use ravens to spread semi-literate distractions to the masses while he tries to build a new wall to keep the Dornish immigrants out?

Will Euron Greyjoy please please get his junk mutilated by a diseased, blunt-toothed rat with, um… a seriously bad disposition and, like… warts, or something?

I really hate that guy.

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Some More 2018

I’m still trying to get more 2018 flicks through my eyeballs and ear holes, especially now that they’re all becoming available at home, but it’s been slow-going.  In the meantime…

Hotel Artemis: So, here’s the deal with Hotel Artemis– its visual storytelling is really great.  It adeptly sets up its near-future world in a violence-torn Los Angeles where criminals can pay to join exclusive secret clubs that discreetly cater to their emergency medical needs through the use of advanced medicine and future-modern triage technology.  The cinematography, sets, costumes, sound design, editing, etc., all converge to give you a real feel for this place and the high stakes involved in keeping things running as smoothly as possible.

But then people start opening their mouths and half of what they talk about is everything we already know thanks to all the aforementioned filmmaking departments.  And that is seriously frustrating.  This isn’t the kind of movie that needs its dialogue to be tweaked for the cheap seats.  IT’S ALL RIGHT THERE ON THE SCREEN.

Anyway, it’s an impressive cast- Jodie Foster, Sterling K. Brown, Sofia Boutella, Jeff Goldblum, Charlie Day, Jenny Slate, Bautista, Zach Quinto… and they all bring their A-Game (for better or for worse.  Jodie Foster is acting so hard I think it’s causing her pain.  I know it caused me pain a couple of times), even if what they were given was sometimes a waste of talent.  Example: Goldblum shows up in the third act, says something mean to his son (Quinto) that we’re supposed to feel something about, despite a lack of any previous interaction between the two, and spends the rest of his screen time semi-sedated.  Another example: Jenny Slate exists solely for the plot to clunkily flesh out Jodie Foster’s mysterious backstory, which was doing fine on its own thanks to that whole visual storytelling thing I mentioned above, then leaves the movie, having had absolutely no effect on the narrative.  Is she great?  Well, sure.  But is her character relevant?  Not in the least.

Again, frustrating.  I really wish the filmmakers had trusted that keeping it simple would have made it so much more complex.

Still, I wouldn’t say it’s a waste of your time.  Check it out- you’ll get a good movie… with a side of some real nitpicking.

Upgrade: Tom Hardy plays Eddie Brock- an oddly-accented guy with a sentient being attached to him that only he can hear.  The two struggle for control of Eddie’s body, and in moments of extreme stress, the sentient being has the ability to amplify Eddie’s strength and dexterity.  This symbiotic relationship ultimately proves beneficial in Grey’s quest to find the people who have wronged him…

…wait, wait… someone just called him “Grey” instead of “Eddie.”  That’s weird.  Did they change it from the comics?  Huh?  That’s not Tom Hardy?  He looks like Tom Hardy…  Oh. Wait.  This isn’t Venom?  Wait…

Hereditary: An awkward, freaky masterpiece about the ravages of grief.  A story that walks the thin line between family and cultism.  A flick that borrows unsettling themes, disorienting visuals, and slow-burn pacing from gothic horror classics like The Shining and Rosemary’s Baby to more contemporary works like The Witch and The Autopsy of Jane Doe.  With a definite Exorcist III presence thrown in there for good measure.  This movie makes you feel all kinds of wrong from the get-go, and by the end, every skewed angle and closeup will have you tensing up, ready to be frightened out of your mind.  But no, closing your eyes won’t help- the sound design is every bit as nerve-wracking as the camera work.

See this movie.  It’s a rarity- an honest-to-god scary horror flick with no masked boogeymen, shambling zombies, or pointy-toothed nuns in sight.  See it.

Incredibles 2: I didn’t love Incredibles 2.  Yes, it’s another great looking Pixar flick with some awesome action sequences, fun characters, and messages about family and responsibility, etc., etc., etc., but this one just felt like “oh, another Incredibles movie.”  Which is a thing that’s not supposed to happen until the third one or beyond, right?  I mean, literally every Pixar sequel to date has been met with a resounding, “why?” when initially announced, and then, in most cases, after seeing them, an, “oh, THAT’s why.”  Toy Story 2 & 3, Cars 2, Monsters University, Finding Dory… all films that ended up being pretty great.  For me, it was Cars 3 that first dipped its toe into the land of “should have been a straight-to-video title” (your, er… mileage on Cars 2 may vary, but in my book it’s a winner), and I think Incredibles 2 might just be there with it.

That’s not to say it’s as flatlined and vapid as Cars 3.  FAR from it.  But for a story with so much potential after fourteen years of fan anticipation, I was expecting a little more than generic parenting role-reversal and an obvious bait-and-switch whodunit plot centering around the discrediting and elimination of super-powered humans by a “wronged” person with an axe to grind.  Again.

Still, the aforementioned action sequences are worth your time… even if they remind you that what made the first movie so great is how, at the time, its action sequences were some of the best we had seen from any superhero flick.  But this is the age of Marvel, so Pixar really needed to one-up itself here.  Instead they went with more of a lateral move.  In this viewer’s eyes, anyway.

That Jack-Jack baby character, though?  Steals the movie.

Mission: Impossible – Fallout: It’s great.  But like its predecessor, I’m not as enamored of it as everyone else seems to be.  For me, the series peaked at the fourth entry.  That’s not to say these last two films have disappointed, just… there’s something about the gritty, boots-on-the-ground, right there in the nonstop action Christopher McQuarrie aesthetic that, for me, doesn’t work as well as the polished visual beauty of Brad Bird’s Ghost Protocol.  Or even the colorful, skewed angles and shifting foci of JJ Abrams’ seriously uncomfortable MI:III.  For me, especially with Fallout, I’m getting just a tad too much of a Paul Greengrass feel.  Which I guess is a weird thing to complain about, because there’s nothing wrong with Mr. Greengrass… and I’m really not sure how to qualify that statement, beyond mentioning that while watching the thing I kept thinking it felt more like a Bourne flick than a Mission: Impossible one.

I dunno.

I think another thing here is that I’m seeing how much hard work McQuarrie puts into his pacing and action sequences, which isn’t something I want to think about while I’m watching a movie.  And I want it to have more of a sense of fun.  I know a lot is said about Tom Cruise and his insistence on doing most of his own stunts in these flicks, and it IS seriously impressive that that’s a thing, but if you’re working that hard to impress me then you’re going to lose my attention from time to time while I’m considering it.

Ugh.  I’m making it sound like I didn’t like this movie.  But I did.  A lot.  And I can’t wait to see it again.  But I also can’t wait for someone else to step in and direct the next entry.  The best thing about this series is how they’ve made it feel like a big book in which each chapter is being read out loud by a different person, each with their own elocution, accent, and inflections.  And now it’s time for a new voice (and that voice should be… Danny Boyle?  Drew Goddard?  Neil Marshall?  Edgar Wright?  Joss Whedon?).

The Meg: No.  No, this was not good.  No, this was not “stupid fun.”  No, this was not impressive.  No, this was not well-acted.  No, this movie did not not suck.  No, this movie is not worth your time, so, no, you shouldn’t bother.

The Predator:

Predator 75 text

Venom: It’s 2018 and all bets are off.  Celebrities are cloning their dead pets, kids are eating laundry detergent, there’s a weather thing called a “bomb cyclone,” the US is being run by a reality TV star… and Sony has actually made a good movie about Venom.

Yeah, Tom Hardy’s voice is questionable.  Yeah, you can see (and hear) the studio’s 11th hour tinkering to make this thing more “for general consumption.”  Yeah, Venom as a character is still kind of dumb.  But none of that matters now because there exists, in our fragile world, a movie about a loser of a man who co-exists with a loser of a slimy alien that has a giant, drippy, prehensile tongue, eats the heads right off of bad guys, and calls people “pussies.”  And it’s pretty great.

Yeah, it’s technically Marvel, but I’m not sure if I’d go so far as to say this thing should try to ooze its way into the MCU proper.  But that’s actually not because of quality, it’s because this character feels so much better on the fringe.  Sort of like what the Netflix Marvel shows (RIP) did.  I mean, I guess having Spider-Man 3.0 show up briefly in Venom’s world wouldn’t be completely bad, but I’m much more down with the latter’s guy-in-the-shadows status.  Maybe Feige & Co. can throw them a bone and let them show, in the inevitable sequel (because, DAMN did it make a ton more bank than anyone expected), news footage of the Avengers on a screen in a store window, or something.  Let these two worlds co-exist, but keep their distance.  That feels right.

Uh… anyway, having said all that while at the same time saying almost nothing about the actual movie… uh… check it out? Yeah, check it out.  It’s pretty cool.

Also, since we’re back on the subject, I should mention that I also really dug Upgrade.  It was a blast.

Burn After Pulp Psycho Fiction Bad Times At The El Royale: Yeah, good stuff.  Very Tarantino.  Very Coen.  Very Hitchcock.  Maybe exceedingly so at times, but that’s OK.  The runtime is a bit much- there’s some scenes of dialogue that could have used a more shrewd eye in the editing room, but those scenes are still pretty engaging.  I guess the only real complaint I have is that although this is a film designed to subvert your expectations at every turn, and it is perfectly adept at doing just that, the most interesting and intriguing stuff (involving a secret hotel surveillance plot) unfolds in the first 40 minutes, or so, but then gets completely back-seated in favor of a hostage-style climax involving a hot 60s cult leader, his number one gal, and a bunch of guns.  But I guess that’s the Hitchcock taking over for the Coens before getting manhandled by the Tarantino.  A perfectly good trio of influences that, together, were maybe a little too big for the room.

But I digress.  Bad Times is well worth your time. The performances are all top-notch (Chris Hemsworth as Jim Morrison as Charles Manson walks the silly line, but I’ll allow it), the cinematography is outstanding, the music is awesome, and despite the fact that I did immediately notice its cinematic influences, I’d still say the story is pretty damned refreshingly original.

Halloween: “…very serviceable pseudo-nostalgic murder porn.”

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW MORE?

The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs: Oh, the Coen Brothers want to tell me six short stories about the Old West?  Well, let me see if I can squeeze that in to my busy schYES, I THINK I HAVE TIME FOR THAT, THANK YOU.

Some thoughts:
-Tim Blake Nelson is a national treasure.
-Stephen Root is a hoot. And a national treasure.
-Liam Neeson is a(n Irish) national treasure and needs a lead role in a future Coen movie.
-The world could use a little more Tom Waits these days.  Because he’s a national treasure.
-I know nothing about Bill Heck or Zoe Kazan, but now I want a full-length Western love story starring them.  Because they’re both national treasures.
-Tyne Daly (national treasure) is kind of awesome, isn’t she?

You should watch this movie.  It’s on Netflix.  It’s a national treasure.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald: Focus, people.  You need to focus.  I’m talking to you, David Yates, JK Rowling, and anyone else over at WB in charge of these Potterverse flicks.  I dig this world.  Truly.  And these period piece prequels have an amazing sense of style, scope, and spirit, from the costume and set design to the cinematography to the acting.

But what the fuck happened with the actual storytelling?

For a good two-thirds of the runtime I was seeing many charming scenes, scary bits, interesting action… but I had no idea what this thing was about.  Yeah, there’s a creepy badguy guy trying to be a big bad badguy and a nebbish heroguy and a brave herogal trying to find and save a downandoutguy, with a normalguy tagging along as comicreliefguy looking for his ladylovegal… and stuff… but it wasn’t until somewhere in the third act that this movie finally got its shit together and remembered that just sewing a bunch of interesting scenes to each other doesn’t mean you’re MAKING ANY SENSE.  You’ve got to have a goddamn through line from minute one.  I mean, it’s OK to trust your viewers to fill in the cracks in the pavement, but your sidewalk has to be walkable in the first place.

Er… no, no I’m keeping that analogy, thanks.  Moving on…

Like I said, the movie found its footing, eventually.  Better late than never, I guess.  And despite the muted sense of bewilderment I felt when leaving the theater, I’m actually looking forward to the next installment in this series.  But if they don’t at least start the next one at the level of coherence that the last 30 minutes of Grindelwald mercifully settled into then I think I can safely abandon anything from the Cinematic Wizarding World that doesn’t come with the name Potter attached to it.

Uh… stay tuned?

VENOMup


Shatnermask 2018

Halloween (2018): A well-shot, pull-no-punches fan film that is pretty serviceable, but ultimately misses the point of the original, albeit FAR less egregiously than any of the other sequels and remakes.  Some useless jump-scares (half of which are of the “sudden edit to a non-scary thing but REALLY LOUD” variety), some seriously well-crafted stalker/murder scenes, some terrible exposition, some great character work, and callbacks that run the gamut from interesting to obligatory to eye-rollingly bad.

So, 40 years after the events of Halloween ‘78, Michael Myers is being transported by bus to a new, maximum(er?) security prison… on Halloween Eve.  Because of course they’d do it on that day.  His new doctor is a nutcase that lets a random podcast duo into the prison to try and interview him first, even though Michael hasn’t spoken since he was a child, because of course he does.  They bring along the weatherbeaten mask he wore to murder people in 1978, because of course they do.  I guess this sets him off, prompting a prison bus escape.  Or maybe Doctor Nutjob helps him escape.  Unclear.  Doesn’t matter.  He escapes.  Then he murders a size-appropriate mechanic and takes his dark blue jumpsuit, because of course he does.  Next stop: Haddonfield, IL.

Meanwhile, Halloween 1978’s survivor girl Laurie Strode has spent the past 40 years cosplaying as T2 Sarah Connor.  ‘Nuff said.

I guess my point above (not the Laurie Strode thing) is that it felt like all involved had every opportunity to recapture the point of the first movie- that sometimes evil just happens, for no reason, in the unlikeliest of places, and then slinks back into the shadows… and I think they approach that point, but it gets bogged down by the aforementioned problematic exposition, most of which is about every character asking, each in their own way, for a Michael Myers explanation that they’re not going to get.  And they ask a lot.  Hell, just before the opening credits, Random Podcast Character guy is permitted to demand, screaming, of the hulking murder machine in a mental ward in front of all the other disturbed individuals, to explain something.  Does it make for an interesting and effective prologue-ending sound edit?  Absolutely.  But does it make for a good Halloween movie?  Not sure.

The aforementioned mechanic jumpsuit thing is a problem because it ignores reality in favor of a familiar visual- a stark white face floating over a semi-nebulous shadow-shape.  And yes, OF COURSE I understand that on an iconic movie monster level.  But here’s the thing- if you’re spending time writing into your screenplay, that specifically and aggressively ignores ALL previous sequels, a justification for a familiar costume, then are you really any better than those sequels?  And are you now taking your hyper-real, pointedly non-supernatural antagonist and leading him down the path to Jasonfreddyville?  Because that’s EXACTLY what all of the previous Halloween ’78 sequels (sans III) did.*

Anyway, as I said, the scenes of murder are all very well-crafted and absolutely stomach-churning in their violence.  But there are SO MANY OF THEM.  I was starting to get a little weary by the time the fifth person was dead… and that was only about 20 minutes in.  One thing the original Halloween did right was to build up an impressive amount of dread before anyone gets killed. And then it’s only three people (not counting OG size-appropriate, dark blue jumpsuit-wearing mechanic…). H2018 goes 80s-slasher-style in its murder frequency.  Thankfully, it doesn’t go too far into Friday the 13th, Part VII territory with its “interesting kills,” but it comes close a couple of times.  There’s a knife-protruding-through-throat moment in particular that walks that line, but I’ll forgive it- it could have been a colorful party favor through someone’s eye (no offense, J-Voors.  You still cool).  Oh, and in case you were wondering, YES, a body gets nailed to a wall with a butcher’s knife and there IS a figure under a white bedsheet at one point.  Because of course.

And that’s the sort of dual-personality that hobbles this movie at times.  It’s confident enough in doing its own thing… until it isn’t.  Now, granted, there are people out there who haven’t seen the original and therefore wouldn’t notice these kind of things… but that stuff felt like it was put in for people who HAVE seen the original and therefore could potentially have the kind of reaction I did- feeling slightly disappointed that after being promised a “true sequel” we ended up with “very serviceable pseudo-nostalgic murder porn.”

OK. Let’s talk Laurie Strode.

Jamie Lee Curtis is pretty great.  Of all the pieces that made up this movie, JLC seemed to fit the best.  She understood the concept, more than anyone else involved, that the reality of being “survivor girl” is a lifetime of fear.  There’s one scene in particular that stands out- grandma Laurie joins her daughter’s family at a birthday dinner after learning of Michael Myers’ escape.  She tries to remain calm and collected, but ultimately has a breakdown in the restaurant while her family squirms in their respective seats at crazy grandma and her paranoid antics.  It’s a very real, very human moment that outdoes any and all for-the-cheap-seats scenes of Laurie training with firearms in her backyard.  But I’m not sure the rest of the film ever reaches this level of emotional reality.  By the end it does sort of morph into a piece about it never being too late in life for a woman to face an assault from her past, but, to me, the concept is seriously undercooked and afterthought-ish, so maybe I was seeing things that weren’t there?  Or they decided on the concept too late in the process to really flesh it out?  I think maybe the latter.  There are certainly visual cues to suggest such a thing, like the final tableau of our three survivor women, but really- considering the simple fact that assault against women of all ages, whether it be in the past or happening right now, is one of the biggest societal discussions happening in this country as we speak, I think this Halloween had a real opportunity to tackle it head-on.  Instead, I think we got some half-baked, 11th hour subtext.  I mean, kudos for even having that, but I found it slightly frustrating.

Buuuuut, I digress.

One thing they definitely got right- Michael Myers is frightening again, even if this time around it’s less about seeing a “shape” in the distance and more about the bone-crunching, throat-crushing, face-crumpling, uncomfortable brutality inflicted upon, well, just about any random person.  Literally no one is safe in this movie.  And they really, really make sure you know it.  I’d call it very Terminator-like, but hey, that movie owes its existence to the original Halloween anyway, so… redundant?**  Also, it needs to be said- the return of John Carpenter on the film’s music absolutely helps with this.  It may be the single best updated nostalgia thing this movie has to offer.

Anyway, Halloween 2018, man.  I guess I’d say walk, don’t run to see it.  Maybe even if that walk is to your couch in a couple of months.  It’s a fine line- referencing the original movie through visual style, sound cues, credit sequences, and color palettes without just straight-up remaking it with a 40-year buffer, but in doing (and not doing) the aforementioned stuff I think we got just a smidge too much Friday The 13th chocolate in our Halloween peanut butter.  Empty calories, though, are still pretty fucking tasty.  Even if they make your teeth fall out.

With this movie I mean that literally.

mmh2018

*were this my movie, I’d have kept Myers in his asylum whites and the mask.  Go full-on “man-ghost” and give us a new frightening visual reference.  Yes, this would have ruined a shot of Michael’s face seemingly floating in reflection at one point, but that was so precious and obvious that it didn’t service the movie anyway.  And it just made me think of the ill-advised Special Edition cut of The Exorcist with its floating Pazuzu faces digitally inserted into random appliances (too esoteric?).

*which, in turn owes its existence to Jaws and Westworld, which, in turn…