Fleshy-Headed Mutants From The Forbidden Zone.

Posted: June 5, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Review | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

X-Men: Days Of Future Past: Not really sure what to say about this one.  It’s good, I guess.  I mean, it was kind of exciting at times… just plain “there” at others… I dunno.  It’s an X-Men movie.  They’re really all the friggin’ same.  And with Bryan Singer back behind the camera it’s never going to be much more then lukewarm, anyway.

The plot?  Er… well, the future sucks, so Mutant Juno sends Mutant Jean Valjean’s…  um, wait… is it actually the future?  I guess it’s really the present, considering Mutant Gandalf and Mutant Captain Picard are still really old alive and kicking.  But wait, didn’t Mutant Picard die a few movies ago?  Whatever.  It must be an “alternate MacGuffin timeline,” or whatever.

Sorry.  Where was I?

The future sucks, so Mutant Juno sends Mutant Jean Valjean’s MacGuffin consciousness back to his 1970’s body to change history by stopping Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister from building super robots that will eventually wipe out everybody.  So, basically, it’s The Terminator.  You see, these super robots are programmed to track and kill mutants, specifically, but I guess eventually that’s not enough, so they start killing non-mutants, too.  I think.  I mean, we were supposed to glean that from the story, right?  I can’t remember if it was actually ever mentioned.  But there’s no one around in the scorched-sky barren wasteland that is this movie’s “future” except for a ragtag band of mutants and an army of upgraded, adaptive “sentinels” hell-bent on killing whoever’s left in some underground bunker.  So, basically, it’s The Matrix: Revolutions.  Meanwhile, in the past, Mutant Guy From Wanted can walk again.  Because, Mutant Jack The Giant Slayer made a MacGuffin serum that temporarily fixes his spinal cord AND conveniently suppresses his ability to read and control minds, thus doing away with pesky audience questions like, “well, why can’t he just find out what Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister’s plans are,” or, “why can’t he stop Mutant Katniss Everdeen from going all Jason Bourne on everybody,” or, “why can’t he control Non-Helmeted Mutant Lieutenant Archie Hicox’s murderous magnetic tendencies?”

Um… sorry.  Lost my train of thought.

Oh, right, the 1970’s.  Well, Mutant Katniss Everdeen is running around doing her own thing- murder, mayhem, figuring out Non-Mutant Tyrion Lannister’s ultimate plans by disguising herself as him and gaining access to all his research… which she doesn’t destroy for some reason… and Mutant 24601’s crew set out to break Mutant Hicox out of his plastic-and-glass prison with the help of Mutant Recurring American Horror Story Actor and his super-speed.  Which they do.  Then Mutant Horror Story leaves them, because he would be way too helpful to the rest of the plot, and that would cut the movie in half.  Finally, all the mutants converge on Non-Mutant Dick Nixon’s front lawn for a balls-out battle with the super robots, which somehow run on 1970’s technology that would be considered “futuristic” by even tomorrow’s standards, and everybody walks away with a peaceful, easy feeling and hearts that grew three sizes that day.

Except Hugh Jackman.  He gets thrown into a river.

So, um… all that.

But, ultimately, I enjoyed myself.  Yeah, it’s reeeeeally easy to pick apart with snark (I wrote that synopsis in a few minutes with no editing), there are many plot-points that exist solely to cram as many familiar faces and/or now-hot actors into the thing as possible (seriously- it’s a movie starring Hugh Jackman and a shitload of extended cameos), and any time the screenplay seems like it’s writing itself into a corner, some kind of over-explained, yet really simplistic MacGuffin is thrown in to save the day (Prof. X’s spine serum, Kitty Pryde’s sudden ability to send someone into the past, plus, you know, every hand-picked-for-this-plot mutant’s power…), but it’s still fun.  I mean, as forced, out-of-place, and precious as Quicksilver’s* scenes were, they were the coolest in the flick, and Evan Peters was seriously great.  As was James McAvoy- dude took some bad, almost soap-opera level, obvious dialogue and turned it into genuine pathos.  And Hugh Jackman will never not be totally fucking cool in that role.

But there’s still the Bryan Singer problem.  Things are just too clean and neat with him.  His visual style is very Brian DePalma, but without the balls.  His action sequences reference Spielberg, but without the fun.  He never seems to want to blow our minds.  Instead he sort of expects us to meet him halfway, shake hands, and go about our business at 60-100 beats per minute.  Which, for some flicks, isn’t automatically the worst thing in the world.  But this is a superhero movie, and that ain’t gonna fly here.  Case in point (speaking of superheroes and flying)- if his Superman Returns had just one fucking INSANE action sequence, just one, we’d remember it fondly instead of shrugging our collective shoulders and saying, “yeah, whatever.**”  Oh, and to be clear- I’m not saying Days Of Future Past is full of Superman Returns-level non-action.  Far from it.  But its action bits still leave me wanting more.  Yes, Singer seems to have taken some positive steps forward in this regard, but the dude has made four comic-book movies now, and while I see more action than before, I’m not really seeing it get exponentially better.  Last year, James Mangold took my breath away a couple of times with The Wolverine.  This year, Singer fell just a bit short of that with DOFP… and he’s got like 10 times the muties on his palette.

Anyway, again, not a bad flick.  If you haven’t seen it yet, you should.  Once.  Maybe once again when it comes out on DVD/Blu at the Redbox, or when it streams on Netflix.  After that… maybe catch a scene or two when it becomes a twice-a-year Sunday afternoon TBS or TNT staple…

…but that’s it.

Entertained

*Okay, so here’s the (confusing) deal: both 20th Century Fox and Marvel Studios own the rights to this character, so you’ll be seeing him here and in The Avengers: Age Of Ultron, played by a different actor.  It will be totally unrelated to these flicks, and he won’t be referred to as a “mutant” there, because, legalities, and stuff.  Anyway, it seems to me that his superfluous (albeit really fucking cool) presence here was Fox’s way of beating the FAR SUPERIOR Marvel Universe movies to the punch with this guy.  Because, you know, someone has to have the bigger movie cock, and all…

**The airplane sequence doesn’t count.  Sorry.  Yes, it was well done, but far from INSANE.  You want crazy action?  Last year’s Man Of Steel had it in spades, whether you liked that flick or not.

Uh, pictures. Just pictures. Uh, you know, Best Picture. 2014 Best Picture.

Posted: March 2, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Brian A. Costello, Movie, Opinion, Man. | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I actually got through all of the Best Picture nominated movies for the first time… probably ever.  So, as the big dumb awards show is tonight, some thoughts.

Gravity:  Yes, this movie is painted in broad strokes.  But let’s face it, getting trapped alone in outer space with almost no oxygen in your tank is a pretty broad-stroke circumstance.  There’s not much time for subtelty.  George Clooney is perfectly cast as George Clooney.  Sandra Bullock is perfectly cast as a regular gal facing the most harrowing of survival situations.  And the “move on with your life,” “get reborn,” and “evolve” overtones, while, again, are pretty broad, totally work as a 90-minute parable on the adaptability of life.  And as a girl-power inspirational drama.  And as a celebration of the human spirit.

And as a fucking cool outer space action movie.

Captain Phillips:  I love Tom Hanks.  But he’s a bit much here.  He’s always ACTED with a capital A-C-T-I-N-G, which works for stuff like Forrest Gump, Splash, The Money Pit, and The ‘Burbs, but maybe not so much for a real-life MassaCHEWsetts sailor man.  Although, to be fair, the bad, audience-hand-holding, forced expositionary dialogue he was given at times may be the actual culprit.

Still, the bits where the movie highlights the brains-over-brawn approach to getting rescued (like the lifeboat, “I’m fine, and I’m in Seat 15” bit) worked for me.  The “dark people are evil” approach to the pirates, though?  Not so much.  Seriously, just a little bit more somewhere in the runtime (which was only two hours, but felt like three) about how Somalia is SO FUCKED that these people have no other choice but to resort to high seas hijacking would have made it a more compelling film instead of a mostly safe one.  “Based On The True Story” doesn’t mean a lazy screenplay gets a pass.

However, with all that said, the bit at the end when Phillips is rescued, goes into shock, and is cared for by the Navy triage people, might be the finest five minutes of Hanks’ career.

Her:  What an amazingly awkward, believable, and touching movie this was.  It takes place roughly ten years from now, but doesn’t go the “flying car and android servants” route.  It’s life much like it is today, with casual differences.  People are still using computers, playing video games, and dressing up to go out on dates, but all of these things have evolved slowly and naturally, just as they have between 2004 and now.  Operating systems are almost solely voice activated.  Video games are immersively 3D and are solely gesture-based.  Style has moved to a neuvo-retro “40’s-meets-late-70’s” look, with high-waisted trousers and basic mustaches being the norm.  But none of this is presented as “hey, check out THIS cool thing!”  It’s all just… there.  Naturally.  Which lulls us into accepting that an Operating System can be so advanced as to become self-aware and capable of human love.

And, of course, Joaquin Phoenix sells the hell out of it.  That guy, man… how awesome has he become?  It’s kind of thrilling to watch his growth as an actor.  I remember when Gladiator came out I thought, “this guy’s not quite there yet, but it’s gonna happen.”  And it has.  In spades.  How he didn’t win an award for The Master is beyond me.  Oh.  RIght.  Daniel Day-Lewis.  That’s why.  Whatever.  I still think it should have been JP.  See Her.

12 Years A Slave:  Yeah, wow.  You know, I had no idea there were situations like this back in the days of slavery.  Where free American men from north of the Mason-Dixon were kidnapped and shipped south.  That’s not to say their struggle was any more or less important than people kidnapped and shipped from other parts of the globe… but I think telling this (true) story in particular really, really brings a middle class white guy like myself closer to understanding how unsafe we all are as a species, given the wrong social and economic circumstances.  That’s not to say I’ll EVER truly know what it’s like, but, at its most basic level, at least, it’s an effective storytelling device.  How, in that situation, there is no social heirarchy.  You go from whatever you were to less than human, in the eyes of evil, cowardly, “righteous” men.  It’s absolutely frightening.

12 Years definitely elevates the already fantastic Chiwetel Ejiofor to next-level.  The absolute frustration eminating from Solomon during his time as some rich white bastard’s property is palpable.  And his controlled defiance was equally inspirational and harrowing.  A brilliant performance.   And some brilliant directing by Steve McQueen (no, not that one).  In my opinion, an African American director daring to portray the evil cowards who owned Solomon (Benedict Cumberbatch and Michael Fassbender) as absolutely human takes some serious balls.  And from what I hear, this touched a nerve in some people.  As far as I’m concerned, that’s a win for everyone involved.  Can’t wait to see what McQueen does next.

Dallas Buyers Club:  The only thing I knew about this movie was that McConaughey was in it.  So I went in totally blind.  And holy hell, what an amazing film.  The story of how the rich assholes that run our nation’s pharmaceutical companies will literally let thousands of people die so they can make big money on drugs approved by the corrupt assholes that run the FDA.  And, as the AIDS-infected, former homophobic loser Ron Woodroof that runs the titular “buyers club” (a place where people can buy the medicine that actually keeps them alive) McConaughey is fucking brilliant.  I mean, dude lost 50 pounds  to play this role.  That’s some serious committment.  Also, Jared Leto is a revelation as Woodruff’s newfound friend and “business partner” Rayon.  I think I’ve been a little unfair to that guy over the years.  He’s seriously great.  As is this movie.

Philomena:  The sad, yet hopeful true story of an Irish woman searching for her long lost son, fifty years after his birth.  Shipped to a convent after committing the “sin” of getting pregnant out of wedlock, Philomena loses her child to an American couple with enough big bucks to purchase the boy from said convent.  Yes, purchase.  From a convent.  Yes, true story.

Anyway, I’m all for a movie that rips the scab off of the global wound that is the Catholic Church and all its festering hypocrisy.  And I’m all for anything Dame Judi does.  And I love the uncomfortable everyman thing that is Steve Coogan.  I’m just not sure this movie was dynamic enough to stand alongside the others in this category.  Still, if you’re considering checking it out, it is absolutely worth your time.  Everyone involved is brilliant, and the fact that this actually happened makes it a should-see.

Nebraska:  Wow, what a visually beautiful movie.  Every shot impeccably framed.  Stark black and white images really made the less picturesque parts of this country look gorgeous.  For maybe 30 minutes.  Then I realized I was bored out of my frakkin’ skull by this inane, lamely written piece of monotonous nonsense.  This was my first Alexander Payne movie.  Coincidentally, it is also my last.

How does something like this get a Best Picture nod when Inside Llewyn Davis does not?

The Wolf Of Wall Street:  Scorsese doing that Scorsese thing.  Goodfellas, Casino… It’s a formula, and it works.  Mostly.  I mean, I’m all for a movie being as long as it needs to be, but… I’m not sure The Wolf Of Wall Street actually needed to be three hours.  Not saying it was super-bloated, or anything, but I dunno… sex and drugs and money and sex and money, drugs, sex, and money, and also drugs can get a little repetitive.  And yeah, maybe that’s the point- that the vicious cycle of sex and drugs and money and sex and drugs and money is something one can easily get caught up in, and escape is almost impossible.  But, as a viewer, I did get a little weary of all the sex, drugs, and money around the two hour mark.

But, yeah, great flick.  Nice to see DiCaprio lighting it up again.  Jonah Hill was great, too.  And McConaughey, in his all-too-brief role.  And pretty much everyone else, as well.  So, yeah.  Really good.  But I’m much more likely to revisit Goodfellas than this for a true-life, narration-driven Scorsese crime drama fix.

American Hustle:  OK, I know everyone loves this movie.  It’s got a funky 70’s vibe, what with all the costumes, music, and bad hair, and all.  And it’s got America’s sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence.  That’s gotta be a recipe for success, right?

Well, yeah, I guess…  except… I found it to be a little underwhelming.  And messy.  Needlessly convoluted with an obvious emphasis on style-over-substance.  Seriously, at times it seemed like it existed to be an excuse to play cool period music over tracking shots from behind people in cheap suits.  I’m happy to see Christian Bale up for an award again, as he was great (he’s always great), and I’m really happy to see Bradley Cooper up as well, as he rocked that thankless role.  Amy Adams?  Yeah, OK… I guess (that Brit accent was a bit generic, you guys)… but Jennifer Lawrence?  Look, I think she’s really good.  Really.  But, come on, now.  This feels like an obligatory nomination because everyone’s so high on her these days.  Is all it takes to get an Oscar nod a pretty face and a half-there Long Island accent?  Whatever.  She was fine in those 20 minutes she was in the thing.  And that’s all.

.

So, I’m not really a predictions guy, but here are a few thoughts for the “big six” (not who I think will win, but who I would pick, were I a person of importance):

Best Supporting Actor:  Fassbender was absolutely brilliant, but I’m gonna have to go with Jared Leto.  My heart bled for him every time he was on screen.  And that little smile he wore after McConaughey defended him in the grocery store filled me with joy.

Best Supporting Actress:  I didn’t see two of these movies (Blue Jasmine and August:Osage County), so my opinion here is incomplete.  But 12 Years‘ Lupita Nyong’o is miles ahead of Jennifer Lawrence and June Squibb in this category.  MILES.

Best Actor:  McConaughey, McConaughey, McConaughey.  Chiwetel Ejiofor was brill, to be sure, but Matty Mac went through an amazing onscreen transformation (not even talking about the weight loss) that proves he’s an actor that knows how to handle a character arc.

Best Actress:  Again, missed two of these flicks.  Dame Judi was truly fantastic (duh), but I’m actually going to go with Sandra Bullock, if for no other reason than she completely surprised me.  Also, I’d like to see Gravity win something beyond the tech stuff.

Director:  Steve McQueen.  There were brilliant performances all around in 12 Years, but none of it would matter were it not for this guy.  He took a lot of chances.  They all paid off.

Best Picture:  Tough one.  I’m torn.  Half of me thinks 12 Years A Slave is the best of these, but the other half of me is going with Dallas Buyers Club.  12 Years feels more dynamic, as it delves deeply into the aforementioned human side of every character on screen, but DBC shows equal balls by calling out the powers-that-be of both the big corporate moneymakers and corrupt government agencies involved in regulating our health.  I’m not sure I can make a decision here.  I think I’m slightly leaning towards DBC, but I don’t know if that’s simply because it surprised me more through my own ignorance of the subject matter.  You know what?  I don’t have to make a goddamn choice- I’m not an Academy voter.  12 Years A Slave AND Dallas Buyers Club for the win!!!

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