My 2017 In Movies, Part 3

PART 1

PART 2

War for the Planet of the Apes: A fitting end to the new Apes trilogy.  If it is an end.  It feels like it is.  I mean, I’d happily watch more, but I’m pretty sure it’s over.

I’d say it’s awkward to end this trilogy on a movie that, for a good chunk of its runtime, basically becomes a prison break film, but somehow, once we’re settled in, it mostly isn’t awkward.  I mean, beyond the allusions to World War II concentration camps… but that’s an intentional kind of awkward that only adds to the social commentary that these movies have been blatantly poking at, in one way or another, since minute one.  Of the original original movie, I mean.

Woody Harrelson hams it up a bit, but I think that’s OK.  The real subtelty is in the motion capture/CGI performances, making the apes more human (and therefore more relatable) than the humans.  And I know it’s redundant at this point to mention, but Andy Serkis is the absolute master of mocap.  If I cared about awards I’d say the Oscars should hand the guy a special one for legitimizing the technique.  His physical presence and actual acting turn Caesar (and Gollum. And Kong. And Snoke) into real-life characters as much as the team of computer artists do.  How all those elements come together is an exciting thing to ponder, above and beyond what we’re seeing as the final product.  “Hollywood magic” definitely ain’t dead.

In any case, this trilogy was a nice surprise, as a whole and individually.  It’s surrounded by a lot of generic cinematic crap, so “diamond(s) in the rough,” I guess.

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets:  Sort of like The Adventures Of Buckaroo Bonzai filtered through The Fifth Element, then injected with concentrated Avatar and served on a Men In Black plate.  With maybe a chaser of Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey for good measure.

I don’t really know how to properly discuss this movie.  It may be the most original science fiction thing I’ve seen since the aforementioned Fifth Element (also directed by Luc Besson).  It’s a highly pleasing assault on the senses in which you can’t go five minutes without seeing something completely new and outrageously imaginative.  And yet, while you’re being bombarded with cinematic water-balloons filled with sweet, sweet psilocybin, a very clear story with a satisfying conclusion is unfolding before you.

This movie is preposterous.  And completely insane.  I think I loved it.

Atomic Blonde: How can something this beautifully shot, meticulously choreographed, and strongly cast be so boring?  Seriously, this thing’s got style oozing out of its pores, but at 30 minutes in I was checking the time.  There’s a “one-shot” fight sequence somewhere in there that starts in a hallway, moves to a stairwell, then into an apartment, then back out into the stairwell, then back outside where it becomes a car chase, and it’s pretty damned impressive… but ultimately kind of antiseptic.  Apparently, director David Leitch is an uncredited co-director for John Wick, which doesn’t surprise me at all.  But that movie had a sense of fun that went along with its beautifully choreographed brutality, so I’m thinking actual-credited John Wick director Chad Stahelski brought that to the table there.  Dunno.  Really, all of Atomic Blonde is pretty dour, which completely belies its colorful lighting and fun 80s soundtrack.  Also, I couldn’t tell if the plot was too convoluted or if the storytelling just made it seem that way.  I guess Charlize was a triple-agent, ultimately working for the CIA?  Does that explain her terrible British accent?  And in the end James McAvoy was just an asshole?  And Sofia Boutella was there because… we needed someone to get assaulted whilst wearing lingerie?  And all of this happened over a secret list of… something bad?  What the hell was this thing even about?  Do I need to see it again to understand its complexities, or is it simply obtuse?

Near the end of the movie, James McAvoy says, “There’s only one question left to ask- ‘who won, and what was the fucking game anyway?’”

Yeah, J-Mac, I’m wondering the same thing.

The Dark Tower: What the hell happened here?  I mean, yeah, the idea of trying to condense eight books into one 90-minute movie is pretty dumb, but the concept that we were sold before its release sounded, well, sound.  It was along the lines of “the ending of The Dark Tower series shows that it’s a story that repeats itself and this movie is the final go,” and, “it’s a new tale based on what you already know.”

The former statement?  Uhhhhh… no.  The latter?  Absolutely.  In an epic-fail sort of way.

There’s not much to say here except, in this viewer’s eyes, the movie that was shot was not the movie that we got.  The overall cinematography and set design, as well as the performances of our two protagonists seemed to invoke a dreamlike, intentionally unbalanced, deliberately-paced narrative where reality is in question and footing is always unsure.  But the way this thing was cut together completely belied all of that in favor of just moving things forward, often too fast, probably to keep the runtime down in order to up the screening count in its first weekend.  The result?  All character development, story arc, and, really, coherence was left in the dust.  And then it was over.  And none of it mattered.  What a complete waste.

Really nothing else to say here, except that kid (Tom Taylor) was really great, and I feel bad that, in the end, he got screwed over by what was clearly studio/director dissonance.

It:  What is this horseshit?  Total ripoff of Stranger Things.  That Stephen King is a hack.

So, yeah, It finally gets a big screen adaptation, and it’s pretty friggin’ great.  Not so much because of the scary (because that could have been kicked up a notch or two, in my opinion), but because they really nailed the “group of young friends on the precipice of puberty in the mid to late 80s” thing (it’s a niche genre, OK?).  And unlike Stranger Things they did it without peppering nostalgia all over every kid’s bedroom, basement, and backpack (no offense, Things, you still good.  DON’T FUCK IT UP).  People forget that the one thing Stephen King is even better at than horror is human emotion.  And this story, in part, is practically a treatise on that.

But yeah, it’s also about an ancient evil, masquerading as a clown named Pennywise, that can change itself into the embodiment of what frightens you in order to infuse your blood with fear, because, hey- scared blood is fuckin’ tasty.

And while I do wish the scary bits went full-on “mess you up for life,” they certainly didn’t phone it in.  The jump scares here aren’t just the “tension… tension… BAM! Cat jumps on the table! Nexxxt,” type, they’re of the “sudden image of actual scary thing… that lingers for a few extra seconds while you squirm in your seat” variety.  And that’s appreciated.  Yeah, the “study of fear” thing does get watered down a little- what scares each of our protagonists is a little unclear or unfocused at times (example: Ben Hanscom gets a pretty scary scene where he’s chased by a headless kid after seeing his picture in the library archives, but in the finale, Pennywise briefly morphs into a mummy when it focuses on him.  Said mummy was never even mentioned before), and there’s a chunk of the movie where the kids, in turn and by themselves, see Pennywise and his “worst fears” ability that feels a little lather-rinse-repeat, but, ultimately, this is a minor quibble.  The tone is there, the scares are there, the fully-realized characters and their awkward relationships are there.  It’s really good.

Side note- seeing this in a full theater on opening night was so very great.  It was such a crowd pleaser.  The guy in front of me was one of my favorite moviegoers of all time.  Normally I’d be angry at a movie talker, but for this flick… “oh no… oh NO… Here He Comes… THE CLOWN!!!” and “punch him in his damn face and THROW HIS ASS DOWN THAT WELL!!!” along with random yelps, screams, exclamations, and gasps from all over the theater helped make It a real communal moviegoing experience that I’ll never forget.  Bring on It, Chapter 2!

Kingsman: The Golden Circle:  I loved the first Kingsman movie.  It was just so nuts.  Hyper-stylized in pretty much every way, but never too slick to be patting itself on the back for its cleverness.  And The Golden Circle keeps the ball rolling by continuing all that craziness and upping the ante… but not too much.  It’s odd to use the word “restraint” here, but I think Matthew Vaughn made the conscious choice to move things forward without stealing from himself and pushing the boundaries so far that there’s nowhere left to go.  I mean, Sir Elton John karate-chopping his oppressors while robot dogs run rampant in a 50s Diner-styled secret base in the middle of the jungle does come pretty damned close… buuut I digress.

Taron Egerton, again, makes a great young superspy, Colin Firth, again, makes a great mentor superspy, Julianne Moore makes a great supervillain, Mark Strong always makes a great everything, The Dude makes a great leader of the American superspies, Channing Tatum makes a great thankfully-I’m-in-a-coma-for-most-of-the-runtime guy… uh… basically, what I’m saying here is the ensemble is great.  Because I can’t seem to use any descriptor besides “great.”  So… Kingsman 2 is… great, I guess.  Great, then.

Blade Runner 2049: Well, you’ve done it, Denis Villenueve.  You’ve made a beautiful, fantastic sequel that nobody asked for to a seriously beloved, relatively important piece of cinematic history, and not only did you nail the look, feel, and general style of its predecessor, you evolved it all, naturally, to where these things would be thirty years later.  And all this without ever pandering to the fans of the original by offering up callbacks to lines, characters, or specific instances from it in an even remotely cheesy manner.

And, best of all, you didn’t lower yourself by answering the Deckard question.  Bravo, sir.

Thor: Ragnarok: Wacky.  Wacky New Zealand-y Taika Waititi wackiness.  In a major Marvel movie released by Disney.  See, THIS is what you get when you give your directors some breathing room, Marveldisney.  Fun, irreverence, honest-to-god silliness, but never stupidity.  You didn’t hire any of these directors because they’re dummies, you hired them for their flavor.  And sometimes you didn’t let them apply that flavor, and we got a few random, serviceable, above-passable, reallygood-but-not-reallygreat movies (Ant-Man, Dr. Strange, Thor 2, to name a few…) that certainly didn’t hurt you, by any means, just… maybe just spun the wheels, if only a little.  But hey, they can’t all be zingers…

…Thor: Ragnarok, though, is a zinger.  A colorful, funny, exciting zinger, replete with fun new characters and favorite old ones.  Jeff Goldblum chews up the scenery as… Jeff Goldblum.  I mean, yeah, his character has some space name, or something, but who cares.  He’s Jeff Goldblum.  This is not even remotely a complaint.  Tessa Thompson gets drunk and kicks a lot of ass as… Valkyrie?  Right?  Or is she a valkyrie, with, like, a name that isn’t actually Valkyrie?  Whatever.  She gets drunk and kicks a lot of ass.  My future wife Cate Blanchett further proves her love to me by being an awesome dark villain, hell-bent on ending Asgard and all it stands for.  Loki shows up again, does that two-faced thing, but even manages to temper his evilness with some humanity and doubt.  Pretty sure the future holds something interesting for that guy.  And, of course, at front-and-center is the Hulk, with the most screen time and character development he’s had since his own movie back in ’08 (whoa. REALLY?  2008?  Damn).  I know people lament that Hulk hasn’t gotten his own proper sequel (because, rights issues), but really- what’s a standalone Hulk movie really going to be about?  Especially now that they’ve taken the one Hulk comic book story everyone wanted to see (“Planet Hulk”) and successfully adapted it here.  The big green guy is so much better suited as a cameo, be it small or major, in other characters’ movies, mostly due to the fact that he’s so overpowered that there’s really nowhere left to take him.  Wait… I have an idea- Hulk vs. Giant Hulk Dogs!  Write that one down, Marvel.

Oh, also… Thor is in this movie.

Justice League: “…basically what we have here is a minor miracle- a notoriously micromanaged studio’s fifth foray into a (thus far) disjointed superhero movieverse playing catch-up (to a highly superior, years-old superhero movieverse) with a maligned-from-the-getgo team-up flick that saw its maligned-from-the-getgo director replaced, for the absolute saddest of reasons, in the 11th hour… and not only does it not suck, it’s quite fun.”

Would you like to know MORE?

Al…most… there…

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