My 2017 In Movies, Part 1

Hi.  I saw some movies.

Split:  M. Night (don’t squeeze the)Shyamalan verrrry sneakily goes back to the well and successfully brings about his own career resurgence.  You probably know why by now, but in case you don’t, I’ll spoil it for you- turns out this movie is a sequel-of-sorts to Unbreakable (his best movie to date, if you asked me my opinion, which you didn’t.  Then again, you’re here, so you kinda did…).  But it’s not really a sequel until literally the absolute last shot of the movie, so let’s not dwell.  Especially since the movie we get before that reveal is really great on its own.

So, James McAvoy is a man with multiple personalities that abducts three young women.  The strongest… four (?) of these personalities manifest themselves at different times during the film, adding to the mental trauma of our captives, who, in turn, have their own strong personality differences that keep them from figuring out just what to do.  But survivor-girl has a traumatic past that may just give her an edge over McAvoy and the threat of a yet-unseen, murderous, monstrous personality that is on its way.  Also, Betty Buckley plays his shrink.

McAvoy is absolutely fantastic.  He’s usually great when playing just one role, and in this he gets to play several.  And they’re all so completely specific.  Split is proof that this guy is an actor’s actor, and while he’s been working pretty steadily for the past decade or so, I really hope he can leave the mediocre X-Men movies behind and get back to more substantial stuff like this.

Anyway, Split is great.  See it.

John Wick: Chapter 2: Hey, more highly stylized, supercrazy merc action featuring many, many fatal head wounds!  Yeah, I’m down with this whole John Wick thing and I hope they make it a trilogy.  That said, this one was slightly less fun than its predecessor… maybe because since it was a sequel it wasn’t as fresh and original?  Whatever.  Doesn’t matter.  It’s still about an underground-yet-in-plain-sight society of people killing other people quickly and brutally.  Keanu is clearly still having a blast, and that’s really all I need.  If you haven’t seen John Wick (the first one), do so, posthaste.  If you have but you skipped this one… well, you’re probably OK, if I’m being honest… but why wouldn’t you give this one a go?  It’s not like it’s asking you to postulate on the interspatial implications of thermodynamic equilibrium.  It’s just guns and punching and cars and stuff.

(uh… are the interspatial implications of thermodynamic equilibrium something one can postulate on?  Because, clearly, I pulled that one out of my butt.)

(Why, yes, my butt is where I store big words.  SO?)

The Great Wall:  Uh…lots of controversy surrounding this one, mostly of the “another movie where a white guy saves a non-white country” variety.  Turns out that’s not at all what happens.  I know this because I actually saw the movie.  And while it is told through Matt Damon’s character’s point of view, it’s so much more about the far-superior heroism of these Chinese warriors at the wall.

But none of that matters, really, because this movie is fucking dumb.

Uhhh… The end.

No, seriously, The Great Wall exists so that you can see color-specific costumed warriors going about their color-specific battle duties on top of a CGI recreation of the Great Wall of China.  Example: the blue warriors attach their feet to bungie cords and jump down into the fray so they can maybe spear an enemy or two before they get horribly mauled to death by five more baddies.  Which is completely counterintuitive- throw the damned spear from the top of the wall and maybe save a life or two instead of using a seriously convoluted method where your blue-clad ladies awkwardly bounce twenty feet below in the middle of a raging sea of razor-clawed dragon lizards.  I mean, hell- you’ve got the red-clad archers firing away already, so… oh.  Sorry.  I forgot to mention something important…

They’re not fighting Mongols.  They’re fighting giant, dragon-esque lizard creatures.  You see, these lizard creatures are sort of like locusts in that every sixty years, hordes of them come running towards the wall because there needed to be some kind of simplistic fantasy plot for this movie because I guess someone thought dragon lizards were supercool and wouldn’t it be neat if humans clad in basic vibrant colors so everyone remembers their job I guess were to fight the monsters because fantasy is so hot right now and why am I even still typing I need a drink oh god what is reality anymore and does anyone else hear the screaming or is it just in my head oh god please someone stop the screaming STOP THE SCREAMING.

Get Out:  Jordan Peele delivers a 100-minute, completely original, racially charged, reality-bending thriller that would make Rod Serling blush.  I don’t really want to say any more, in case anyone reading this hasn’t seen it (and hasn’t heard any specifics) yet.  Just know that I can’t imagine a world in which anyone watching this would be disappointed.  I’ll have to think about it a bit (and there’s still more flicks to see), but it may just be the best movie of the year.

Logan:  FINALLY.  Finally, someone let Wolverine off his leash.  I thought The Wolverine was pretty great, but it still had that “20th Century FOX superhero” sheen to it (I wrote abut it a few years back somewhere in THIS post).  This movie, though… this movie pulls out the stopper.  Opens the floodgates.  Takes off the training wheels?  No, wait… goes into berserker mode.  Whatever.  I’m off track.

I guess the future setting allowed them to do whatever they wanted, since nothing that happens in this movie could have an effect on their precious X-Man continu… it… y.  Pfff.  Too late to think about such things, FOX.  We’ve seen all those movies.  Where was I?  Right- the future.  It’s the future and old man Wolverine is living a boring life as a caretaker to the only guy who ever truly believed in him- Professor Jean-Luc Picard Xavier.  The Professor is going senile and needs medication to keep his seizures in check so he doesn’t kill everyone around him with his brain.  But Logan, who, incidentally, doesn’t quite insta-heal like he used to, crosses paths with a new mutant, smuggled out of the facility where she was created (mutants aren’t born anymore and are basically going extinct), and she, Wolvie, and Jean-Luc flee towards a (possibly fictional) mutant safe-zone while being hunted by some baddies as they trek (heh) across the country.

And what we get is an uncomfortable, brutal, and at times profound movie about generations, age, aging, fatherhood, sonhood (?), responsibility, and redemption, that, in its storytelling, isn’t afraid to get its hands dirty.  And bloody.  At times it’s similar to Unforgiven.  Other times, it reminded me of something like A Perfect World.  Part road-movie, part western, I guess.  But all great.  And in the end, it’s a perfect send-off to the role that made Hugh Jackman’s career (and, arguably, shackled him ever-so-slightly).  As far as I know he’s now done playing Wolverine, and as much as he totally owned it over the past 17 years (ho. ly. SHIT.), I’m glad he’s gone out on a film where they finally found the perfect balance between sarcasm, anger, kindness, and pathos that this character has always been about.

And, bonus!- if you only have a cursory knowledge of Wolverine (et al.) and/or have only seen a few (or none) of the other X-Movies, this one is self-contained enough for you to still enjoy.  So, enjoy!

Kong: Skull Island: “It’s OK.  Good monster fights.  Mostly lame characters.  Bad music cue decisions.  Gorgeous visuals.  Really great title character.”

(Click HERE for more.)

T2 Trainspotting: Pleasantly surprised by this movie.  And I shouldn’t have been- I should have just trusted Danny Boyle to not just lazily rehash what we’d seen before, but hey, like the characters in T2, I’m in my 40s and am naturally cynical due to the ever-creeping specter of anxiety/depression and an obligatory sense of my own mortality.

And I think maybe that’s the best way to describe T2 Trainspotting.  Those optimistic, fearless, piss-and-vinegar twentysomethings have grown up and are each dealing with their own mid-life crises.  When they get back together, all of their shared unfinished business comes out and nostalgia (for lack of a better term) gives them a quick jolt of youth, but it’s fleeting.  They still need to come to terms with who they are now.

And this is masterfully represented in the film’s direction, pacing, story, cinematography, soundtrack… literally every aspect that made the original Trainspotting such a product of mid-90s twentysomething optimism has been tweaked for mid-10s fortysomething decline.  It’s uncomfortable and it’s off-putting.  It’s pretty great.

Side note- I’m writing this brief T2 thing upon returning from a specialist who has diagnosed my sudden, intense phantom throat pain as a combination of years of reflux damage, unchecked TMJ, and horrible, horrible snoring.  BECAUSE, AGING.  Yeah, this movie hits home, hard.  All you twentysomethings out there- be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2: Yeah… couldn’t leave you with that last sentence, so let’s end this first part on a positive.  Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 is wonderful.  Funny, irreverent, cute as hell, full of heart, packed to the gills with great music… it’s a grand old time.  Don’t listen to the people calling this movie “derivative”- just because they saved the day in GOTG doesn’t mean they’re all suddenly new characters that don’t fall back on their bad habits and personalities.  Don’t listen to the people who call this movie “hollow”- those same people complain that the Marvel movies have become “too serious.”  Don’t listen to the people calling this movie “obvious”- guaranteed, they’re complaining about the convoluted plots of other comic book flicks.  Some people are just too cool for school.

But I’m not.  A sentient baby tree that dances around to ELO while a violent monster battle rages, out of focus, in the background?  I’ll take it.  A wisecracking, humanesque weaponsmith raccoon bonding with an angry blue-skinned outcast mercenary with a heart of gold?  Yeah, I’m down.  A tattooed hunk of man-meat repeatedly insulting a lovable bug-woman through an utter lack of self-awareness?  More, please.  Is the plot a little thin?  Yeah, sure.  Is the father(s)-son conflict a little muddy right up until the moment they smack you in the face with it?  Yup.  Is the general concept of family one step over the conspicuous line?  Two steps, and yes.  Does that mean the movie isn’t a joy to watch?  Fuck no.  I am Groot.

Stay tuned…

(Part 2 HERE, Part 3 HERE, Part 4 HERE.)